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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Globalizaion is creating a world with a single culture and destroying national identity in the process. To what extent do you agree or disagree

With the prevalence of
globalization
Use synonyms
, the
culture
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 of our world is becoming a single one dominated by Western
culture
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.
As a result
Linking Words
,
people
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 from different countries tend to admire
this
Linking Words
 and
gragually
Correct your spelling
gradually
 lose the sense of identity for their own civilization. Personally, I agree with
this
Linking Words
 view that
globalization
Use synonyms
 influences
the
Correct article usage
apply
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cultural development in a negative way. One primary reason for supporting
this
Linking Words
 viewpoint is the exaggeration of the benefits of Western
culture
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. As
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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shown
Add the auxiliary verb
is shown
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 in Hollywood blockbuster movies,
people
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 admire the ideal and
fantacy
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fantasy
 lifestyle with
luxious
Correct your spelling
luxurious
 clothing, fancy cars, and advanced household appliances, which could cause the misunderstanding of real Western life conditions.
Although
Linking Words
 the scenes are polished or even completely fake, they still arouse
the
Correct article usage
apply
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unsatisfaction
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dissatisfaction
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 among
people
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 from developing countries.
For instance
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, it is not uncommon for us to observe widespread depressing critics on social media about their national economy, society and traditional customs,
furthering
Wrong verb form
further
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 damaging the sense of
natinal
Correct your spelling
national
 belonging. Another significant aspect is the popularity of capitalism, a significant part of Western
value
Fix the agreement mistake
values
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. The fact is that, through various media,
this
Linking Words
 value has been imparted in
general
Correct article usage
the general
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 public's mind. The consequence is that
people
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 abandon what they used to stick to in their traditional
culture
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, like living in an extended family,
heritating
Correct word choice
and heritating
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 ancient craftsmanship and religious beliefs. These things are the basic foundation of their tradition and unique
culture
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.
By contrast
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, most
people
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 turn to learning widely applied skills, migrating from villages to metropolitics,
pursuing
Correct word choice
and pursuing
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 wealth and fame as their life goals.
Such
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 practices can totally ruin their national identity on a day-to-day basis. In conclusion, with the blind Western
culture
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 worship and
negative
Correct article usage
the negative
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 effects of capitalism,
globalization
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 indeed forms a relatively singular
culture
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 and
puts
Verb problem
poses
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 a threat to local
people
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's sense
od
Correct your spelling
of
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 identity.
While
Linking Words
globalization
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 provides
people
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 more opportunities to communicate, do
businesses
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business
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,
advance
Correct word choice
and advance
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 in
techonologies
Correct your spelling
technologies
, it undermines
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
global
Use synonyms
culture
Replace the word
cultural
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 diversity.

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coherence cohesion
Try to diversify your sentence structure to make your argument more engaging.
task achievement
Incorporate more varied and specific examples to strengthen your argument and make it more vivid.
coherence cohesion
To improve clarity, aim for conciseness in expressing your ideas, avoiding overly complex expressions unless they add value to your argument.
task achievement
Consider exploring both sides of the argument to provide a more balanced perspective, even if you have a strong opinion.
task achievement
Your essay effectively introduces the topic and presents a clear stance on the issue.
coherence cohesion
You organized your essay logically, with clear paragraphs each discussing a central idea.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your argument, reinforcing your stance on the topic.
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