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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040.

The graph below gives information about the percentage of the population in four Asian countries living in cities from 1970 to 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040.
#information #percentage #population #four #asian #countries #cities #predictions
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The line graph gives information about the proportion of the
population
Use synonyms
 in four
countries
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 (
Philippines
Use synonyms
,
Malaysia
Use synonyms
, Thailand and Indonesia) dwelling in
cities
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 between 1970 and 2020, with predictions for 2030 and 2040.
Overall
Linking Words
, including entire
countries
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, the proportion of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individuals who resided in
cities
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 continuously
increases
Wrong verb form
increased
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 over the 7 decades.
In addition
Linking Words
, in 2040
Malaysia
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 will possess the highest number of citizens among the four
countries
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.
On the other hand
Linking Words
,
other
Correct article usage
the other
show examples
 three
countries
Use synonyms
'
population
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 rates will
lower
Add a missing verb
be lower
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 than
Use synonyms
Malaysia
Change noun form
Malaysia's
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 in the same year. Turning to the data in more detail, in 1970,
Malaysia
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 and
Use synonyms
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
 had almost
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 amount of
population
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 approximately
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
30% and 31% respectively.
However
Linking Words
, after 7 decades,
Malaysia
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 will have eight-tenth of
Use synonyms
population
Add an article
the population
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 in the
cities
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 and both
countries
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 have a similar trend. Looking at the details, in 1970, Indonesia had the lowest rate of
population
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 dwelling in
cities
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 around 13%, but overtook Thailand and
Use synonyms
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
 in 2000 and 2010 respectively.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
Use synonyms
Philippines
Correct article usage
the Philippines
show examples
 changed
trend
Correct article usage
the trend
show examples
 twice between 1970 and 2040.
Submitted by subin12260 on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words population, countries, philippines, malaysia, cities with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "gives" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "information" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • graph
  • percentage
  • population
  • Asian countries
  • living in cities
  • 1970
  • 2020
  • predictions
  • 2030
  • 2040
  • introduction
  • overview
  • trend
  • body paragraph
  • compare
  • predicted percentages
  • summarize
  • closing statement
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