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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Most teenagers today own a smartphone. Provide your opinion to discuss the advantages and disadvantages.

In the contemporary era, many
adoloscents
Correct your spelling
adolescents
 have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
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. There are many advantages and disadvantages of
this
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 trend and
this
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 essay will examine
further
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 some of the upsides and downsides associated with the development. Primarily,
parents
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 buy smartphones for their
kids
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 to communicate actively with them
while
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 they are away from home. To exemplify, if a
school
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 student
gets
Verb problem
is
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 late from his tuition class, he or she updates his
parents
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 through phone or text message. It is a great way to keep
parents
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 informed of the whereabouts of their
kids
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 when they are naive at
this
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 age and need guidance at every moment of their lives.
This
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 is one of the reasons why the
school
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 authorities cannot completely ban the usage of phones.
Next,
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the
school
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 students generally say that they need these devices to take pictures of
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school
Correct article usage
the school
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 notice board or some notes that their teacher has written for them which they could refer
whenever
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to whenever
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 in need.
For example
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, if there is a notice on the
school
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 notice board regarding any change in the schedule
then
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 the students can have a photo of that and can save it for
the
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apply
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future reference.
On the contrary
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, there are many situations when
parents
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 and teachers realise that
kids
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 are using these devices in
a
Correct article usage
the
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 wrong way.
For example
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,
kids
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 keep
on
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apply
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scrolling social media reels for hours and do not keep track of their time.
Hence
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, the best time of their lives gets wasted. There are many distractions which could easily allure an individual towards these phones and can make them an addict.
Besides
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this
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, sometimes the content available on the phone is not appropriate for teens to view. It can be illustrated by an example, there is no censor for adult movies in some countries and teens can easily access
such
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 websites and watch
these
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them
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 when they are not the intended audience for
such
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 videos. So, the ease of access to
such
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 content has become a trouble for their guardians.
To conclude
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,
kids
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 can utilize
this
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 technology in a positive way
such
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 as taking notes or even
to stay
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staying
show examples
 in touch with
parents
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.
Although
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, a negative side is
also
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 there like wasting time and watching inappropriate videos which should be
avioded
Correct your spelling
avoided
.
Thus
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, teens have to understand both sides of the viewpoint
then
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 should
take
Verb problem
making
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 a decision
on owning
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to own
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 a phone.

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task achievement
Your essay clearly presents both advantages and disadvantages of teenagers owning smartphones, showing a good understanding of the task. Aim to further enhance your argument by exploring these points in more depth and possibly introducing a wider range of ideas for a higher score.
coherence cohesion
You've structured your essay effectively, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. To improve, consider linking your ideas more explicitly within and between paragraphs using a wider range of cohesive devices.
task achievement
Your main points are well supported by examples, which strengthens your argument. To push your score higher, you might consider providing more detailed explanations or considering counter-arguments to add depth to your analysis.
task achievement
You have provided a balanced view by discussing both advantages and disadvantages, which is crucial for a complete response to the prompt.
task achievement
The examples you've used, such as parents being informed about their children's whereabouts and the misuse of smartphones by teens, are relevant and effectively illustrate your points.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the essay, reinforcing your arguments and reflecting on the implications of teenage smartphone ownership.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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