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Band 5.5

Most teenagers today own a smartphone. Provide your opinion to discuss the advantages and disadvantages.

#teenagers #smartphone
In the contemporary era, many
adoloscents
Correct your spelling
adolescents
 have
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
smartphone
Fix the agreement mistake
smartphones
show examples
. There are many advantages and disadvantages of
this
 trend and
this
 essay will examine
further
 some of the upsides and downsides associated with the development. Primarily,
parents
 buy smartphones for their
kids
 to communicate actively with them
while
 they are away from home. To exemplify, if a
school
 student
gets
Verb problem
is
show examples
 late from his tuition class, he or she updates his
parents
 through phone or text message. It is a great way to keep
parents
 informed of the whereabouts of their
kids
 when they are naive at
this
 age and need guidance at every moment of their lives.
This
 is one of the reasons why the
school
 authorities cannot completely ban the usage of phones.
Next,
the
school
 students generally say that they need these devices to take pictures of
school
Correct article usage
the school
show examples
 notice board or some notes that their teacher has written for them which they could refer
whenever
Change preposition
to whenever
show examples
 in need.
For example
, if there is a notice on the
school
 notice board regarding any change in the schedule
then
 the students can have a photo of that and can save it for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
future reference.
On the contrary
, there are many situations when
parents
 and teachers realise that
kids
 are using these devices in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 wrong way.
For example
,
kids
 keep
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
scrolling social media reels for hours and do not keep track of their time.
Hence
, the best time of their lives gets wasted. There are many distractions which could easily allure an individual towards these phones and can make them an addict.
Besides
this
, sometimes the content available on the phone is not appropriate for teens to view. It can be illustrated by an example, there is no censor for adult movies in some countries and teens can easily access
such
 websites and watch
these
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 when they are not the intended audience for
such
 videos. So, the ease of access to
such
 content has become a trouble for their guardians.
To conclude
,
kids
 can utilize
this
 technology in a positive way
such
 as taking notes or even
to stay
Change the verb form
staying
show examples
 in touch with
parents
.
Although
, a negative side is
also
 there like wasting time and watching inappropriate videos which should be
avioded
Correct your spelling
avoided
.
Thus
, teens have to understand both sides of the viewpoint
then
 should
take
Verb problem
making
show examples
 a decision
on owning
Change preposition
to own
show examples
 a phone.
Submitted by DIANA on

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task achievement
Your essay clearly presents both advantages and disadvantages of teenagers owning smartphones, showing a good understanding of the task. Aim to further enhance your argument by exploring these points in more depth and possibly introducing a wider range of ideas for a higher score.
coherence cohesion
You've structured your essay effectively, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. To improve, consider linking your ideas more explicitly within and between paragraphs using a wider range of cohesive devices.
task achievement
Your main points are well supported by examples, which strengthens your argument. To push your score higher, you might consider providing more detailed explanations or considering counter-arguments to add depth to your analysis.
task achievement
You have provided a balanced view by discussing both advantages and disadvantages, which is crucial for a complete response to the prompt.
task achievement
The examples you've used, such as parents being informed about their children's whereabouts and the misuse of smartphones by teens, are relevant and effectively illustrate your points.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes the essay, reinforcing your arguments and reflecting on the implications of teenage smartphone ownership.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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