Some people argue that the retirement age should be raised significantly, given that average life expectancy has increased greatly. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Since nowadays humans live longer, there is a belief that we should start retirement later. Certainly,
medicine
development delays death . Replace the word
medical
Nevertheless
, I strongly support Linking Words
to maintain
our current system because Change the verb form
maintaining
above
Add the comma(s)
, above
the
certain age, we are not able to deal with the easiest responsibilities.
Looking back in history, we can observe how, year by year, new solutions for health problems Correct article usage
a
had
been arising. We managed to cure Wrong verb form
have
tremendous
amount of diseases. Inventions Correct article usage
a tremendous
such
as penicillin and insulin saved thousands of Linking Words
people
. Use synonyms
Consequently
, not only the quality of Linking Words
Use synonyms
people
lives Change noun form
people's
got
better, but Wrong verb form
get
also
its length extended. Linking Words
However
, Linking Words
this
phenomenon did not influence the retirement age.
Linking Words
On the other hand
, living longer does not mean staying in Linking Words
a
good condition. Some Correct article usage
apply
people
suffer from very painful Use synonyms
aging
symptoms. Despite being retired, they cannot fully enjoy the additional spare time they get. Change the spelling
ageing
For instance
, some need to employ the worker who would take care of them. Illnesses of joints, bones, heart and even serious memory problems are becoming more and more popular. It Linking Words
arises
the question whether we should increase the number of years Correct your spelling
raises
people
work or not. If we force them to Use synonyms
so
, we will put them in danger.
Add a missing verb
do so
To sum up
, because of slower Linking Words
aging
, some argue that we should spend more years in the office. Change the spelling
ageing
As a consequence
of the present Linking Words
health care
system, the average life expectancy has grown. Correct your spelling
healthcare
Linking Words
Although
in my opinion, we should keep current settings since most Correct word choice
However
of
older Change preposition
apply
people
are not able to do basic tasks without any support.Use synonyms
Submitted by Aga
on
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Your essay offers a clear stance on the topic, which is consistent throughout the text.
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Your introduction effectively sets the context for your argument, engaging the reader from the start.
Coherence and Cohesion
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