Some people believe that sports competitions are a source of emotional stress for young people. Therefore, youth should be banned from participating in sports competition. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #sports #competitions #source #stress #youth #competition

Certain individuals believe that

sports

activities can exacerbate the stress that youngsters face. From my perspective,

this

is not true and there are a myriad of reasons

due to

the positive impact on an individual's personality.

This

essay will examine

further

the reasons for

such

an opinion.

To begin

with, the

sports

competitions act as

extra curricular

Correct your spelling

extracurricular

show examples

activities and kids engage in them because they feel entertained by participating in these events.

For example

, a study suggests that kids who took part in the games at their school performed better than those who never participated.

Thus

, it indicates that games act as stress relievers. So, the children who participate in

sports

are better at pressure management of exams.

Furthermore

, participation in

sports

acts as a leverage to improve confidence and reduce shyness.

For example

, in

India

Add a comma

India,

show examples

many

sports

personalities became actors, comedians and models after they retired from their game. It was noticeable that their performance in front of an audience

Wrong verb form

was

show examples

quite better than any experienced person

Change preposition

show examples

that field because they knew how to handle competition and their abilities helped them to increase their income.

To conclude

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

sports

competitions are not only stress busters but

also

a great way to improve confidence and

helps

Correct subject-verb agreement

help

show examples

overcome many hurdles which people face when they embark on

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

extraordinary journeys.

Thus

, I believe these provide an advantage for a sportsperson over others.

Submitted by DIANA on Tue Apr 23 2024

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Introduction Clarity

Ensure to introduce the main point clearly in the introduction for better clarity.

Diverse Examples

In the body paragraphs, try including a wider range of supporting examples for a more robust argument.

Cohesive Devices

Try using a wider range of cohesive devices to enhance the flow of your essay.

Structure

Excellent structure with a clear introduction, developed body paragraphs, and a concise conclusion.

Use of Examples

Effectively used specific examples to support main points.

Engagement

Good engagement with the topic, providing a comprehensive response.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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10Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

232 words

5.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 5.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 5.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Some people believe that sports competitions are a source of emotional stress for young people. Therefore, youth should be banned from participating in sports competition. Do you agree or disagree?

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

In the age of social media, many people believe that online friendships are just as valuable as offline ones, while others argue that these cannot replace real-world relationships. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

Some people think that prison sentences should not be used in dealing with criminals. Education and job training should be used instead. To what extent do you agree on disagree ?

These days many people prefer working at home instead of going to their working place. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this?

In cities and towns all over the world, the high volume of traffic is a problem. What are the causes of this and what actions can be taken to solve this problem?

Some people say that drug companies have a responsibility to spend money on researching medicines that will help people in poorer countries. Others say the main responsibility of drug companies is to make money. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion