Modern children are suffering from the diseases that were once considered to only be meant for adults. Obesity is a major disease prevalent among children. What are its causes, and what solutions can be offered?

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Undoubtedly, it has been observed that
children
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are suffered
Wrong verb form
suffer
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from
obesity
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in today's world, which is common among adults only.
This
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essay will discuss the reasons responsible for it
as well as
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some remedial measures to mitigate
this
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menace in the subsequent paragraphs. To commence with, eating too much fast food could be the major cause of spreading
obesity
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among kids. To elaborate
it
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apply
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, fast food includes
much
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many
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calories
especially
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, especially
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in fat and sugar which has
lead
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led
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to
become obese
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obesity
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in the shortest period.
Apart from
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this
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, with the advancement of technology , each child
have
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has
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sedentary
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a sedentary
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lifestyle with some health problems. As a matter of fact, when they spend most of their time on social media and playing video games rather than doing physical activity
then
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it has led to
increase
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increased
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health issues
such
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as less eyesight, headache, respiration problems, gaining more weight by sitting for longer hours and so on.
Nevertheless
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, some remedial measures could be implemented constructively in cater to reduce
this
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issue.
Firstly
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,
children
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should eat healthy foods which have high nutritional value as compared to low
calories
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calorie
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foods i.e green vegetables and fruits .
Secondly
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,
the
Correct article usage
apply
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physical education should be
compulsary
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compulsory
in the school curriculums, so that
children
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know about the information regarding
affect
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effects
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of
those
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
foods that they are taking in their daily
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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.
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Also
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Also,
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they could
be gained
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gain
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more interest in doing physical
activites
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activities
activity
instead
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of playing video games on their mobile phones.
As a result
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, the problem of
obesity
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can be alleviated as soon.
To conclude
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, it can be said that
although
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eating junk food and having
sedentary
Correct article usage
a sedentary
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lifestyle are the reasons of inclining the problem of
obesity
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among
children
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, it could be solved by adopting
healthy
Add an article
a healthy
show examples
diet and taking part in outdoor activities as well.
Submitted by deepnimrat553 on

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Specificity
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Grammar
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Transition
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Structure
You’ve structured your essay well with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Content
Good work on incorporating a balanced discussion on the causes and solutions for obesity in children. Your essay addresses the prompt fully.
Support
You've successfully identified relevant main points and supported them with explanations, though more detailed examples could improve your essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Obesity
  • Sedentary lifestyle
  • Prevalent
  • Genetic predisposition
  • Comfort eating
  • Screen time
  • Physical education
  • Nutritional education
  • Economic disparities
  • Food deserts
  • Subsidize
  • Advertising
  • Weight management
  • Junk food
  • Healthy food options
  • Physical activity
  • Body image
  • Counseling
  • Consumer education
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