Modern children are suffering from the diseases that were once considered to only be meant for adults. Obesity is a major disease prevalent among children. What are its causes, and what solutions can be offered?
Undoubtedly, it has been observed that
children
are suffered
from Wrong verb form
suffer
obesity
in today's world, which is common among adults only. This
essay will discuss the reasons responsible for it as well as
some remedial measures to mitigate this
menace in the subsequent paragraphs.
To commence with, eating too much fast food could be the major cause of spreading obesity
among kids. To elaborate it
, fast food includes Correct pronoun usage
apply
much
calories Correct quantifier usage
many
especially
in fat and sugar which has Add the comma(s)
, especially
lead
to Wrong verb form
led
become obese
in the shortest period. Wrong verb form
obesity
Apart from
this
, with the advancement of technology , each child have
Change the verb form
has
sedentary
lifestyle with some health problems. As a matter of fact, when they spend most of their time on social media and playing video games rather than doing physical activity Add an article
a sedentary
then
it has led to increase
health issues Wrong verb form
increased
such
as less eyesight, headache, respiration problems, gaining more weight by sitting for longer hours and so on.
Nevertheless
, some remedial measures could be implemented constructively in cater to reduce this
issue. Firstly
, children
should eat healthy foods which have high nutritional value as compared to low calories
foods i.e green vegetables and fruits . Change the noun form
calorie
Secondly
, the
physical education should be Correct article usage
apply
compulsary
in the school curriculums, so that Correct your spelling
compulsory
children
know about the information regarding affect
of Correct your spelling
effects
those
foods that they are taking in their daily Correct determiner usage
the
life
. Fix the agreement mistake
lives
Also
they could Add a comma
Also,
be gained
more interest in doing physical Wrong verb form
gain
activites
Correct your spelling
activities
activity
instead
of playing video games on their mobile phones. As a result
, the problem of obesity
can be alleviated as soon.
To conclude
, it can be said that although
eating junk food and having sedentary
lifestyle are the reasons of inclining the problem of Correct article usage
a sedentary
obesity
among children
, it could be solved by adopting healthy
diet and taking part in outdoor activities as well.Add an article
a healthy
Submitted by deepnimrat553 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
Specificity
Make sure to include more specific examples to support your points. This can help illustrate your arguments more clearly.
Grammar
Review your essay for minor grammatical errors to enhance clarity. Paying attention to sentence structure and verb tense usage can improve the overall quality.
Transition
Incorporate transitions between ideas and paragraphs more smoothly. This will help your essay flow better and make the argumentation more cohesive.
Structure
You’ve structured your essay well with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Content
Good work on incorporating a balanced discussion on the causes and solutions for obesity in children. Your essay addresses the prompt fully.
Support
You've successfully identified relevant main points and supported them with explanations, though more detailed examples could improve your essay.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example