Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?
Nowadays, developed technology allows us to have
their
own smartphones. Correct pronoun usage
our
However
, people ,especially young children
, spend too much time to use
it. In my opinion, there is a certain factor and the cons of this
movement outweigh the pros of that.
Firstly
, the main reason why some children
tend to use
their phones a lot is because of online chatting systems. Exsisting these applications leads them to communicate with others online, which make
it easier, rather than face-to-face. Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
In addition
, their fashions are typically immersed from online stars such
as Youtubers and Tiktokers
. Correct your spelling
TikTok
Therefore
, children
cannot catch it
up if they do not Correct pronoun usage
apply
use
their phones frequently, which they super hate.
However
, relying too much on smart devices causes some issues both physically
and Change the word
physical
mentally
. On the one hand, since young people merely do any Change the word
mental
excercise
when they have a chat with others or purchase something online, they lose their muscles and Correct your spelling
exercise
this
leads them to be
serious diseases. Childhood is crucial to Unnecessary verb
apply
grow
up as a Change the verb form
growing
heathy
individual, so people are going to be fat or unhealthy if they have awful habits Correct your spelling
healthy
in
those ages.
Change preposition
at
On the other hand
, there are numerous media on the internet rather
than academic articles or news, Correct your spelling
other
thus
spending too much time to
Change the verb form
using
use
the
small devices hardly makes Correct article usage
apply
children
study their subjects such
as mathematics and history. Although
these majors are not always utilized their
future lives, the process Change preposition
in their
studying
something is so significant when they start to work. All students need to Change preposition
of studying
aquire
Correct your spelling
acquire
this
skill, so the time using smartphones should be restricted.
In conclusion, there is one specific reason why young individuals recently spend numerous resources to use
their phones. Thus
, I personally state that this
movement gives
more harmful effects than useful to them.Verb problem
has
Submitted by ryoga17.0325 on
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Introduction & Conclusion Clarity
Try to clarify your main ideas with more specificity and ensure your introduction and conclusion are clearly articulated to better frame your argument.
Relevant Specific Examples
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Sentence Structure & Transitions
Use varied sentence structures and transitions to improve the flow and coherence of your essay.
Task Engagement
You've engaged well with the topic by identifying a significant reason for children's excessive smartphone use and its consequences, showing a good understanding of the task.
Balanced Discussion
Your attempt to evaluate both sides of the argument demonstrates an effort to develop a balanced discussion.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.