IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

With deforestation, urban development and illegal hunting, many animal species are becoming endangered as they lose their habitat and some are even threatened to the point of extinction. Do you think it is important to protect animals? What measures can be taken to deal with this problem?

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Due to
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 deforestation, urban expansion, and illegal hunting, numerous animal species are becoming endangered as their habitats are destroyed, with some facing the risk of extinction.
This
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 essay will discuss the importance of safeguarding
animals
Use synonyms
 and suggest measures to mitigate the problem. First and foremost,
animals
Use synonyms
 play a significant role in ecosystems by maintaining biodiversity and supporting natural processes.
For instance
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, predators regulate prey populations, ensuring a balanced food chain,
while
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 pollinators like bees are essential for plant reproduction. The loss of species disrupts these systems, leading to significant consequences for both the environment and humanity.
Moreover
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, many
animals
Use synonyms
 hold cultural and economic value, contributing to tourism and
heritage
Correct article usage
the heritage
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 of local communities.
Thus
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, their extinction would result in irreplaceable losses. To tackle
this
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 issue, several measures can be implemented. Governments and organizations should prioritize habitat conservation by creating and expanding new protected areas
such
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 as national parks and wildlife reserves. Restoration forest projects
as well as
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 sustainable urban planning can
also
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 aid
to restore
Change preposition
in restoring
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 and
preserve
Wrong verb form
preserving
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 natural habitats. Enforcing strict laws and stopping wildlife trade
are
Change the verb form
is
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 incredibly vital for illegal hunting. International cooperation is,
furthermore
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, another important aspect of addressing
this
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 problem. To illustrate, plenty of animal species are migrating across borders:
therefore
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, it is of utmost importance for countries to work together on conservation strategies. In conclusion, protecting
animals
Use synonyms
 from the threats of deforestation, urbanization, and illegal hunting is a critical task for humanity.

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task achievement
Consider adding more specific examples or statistics to bolster your arguments, particularly in the section discussing the importance of animals and measures to protect them.
coherence cohesion
To enhance coherence, try using more varied linking words to connect ideas logically, which would improve the flow of your paragraphs.
introduction conclusion present
The introduction clearly sets up the issue and outlines the structure of the essay.
introduction conclusion present
The conclusion effectively summarizes the main arguments, reinforcing the importance of the topic.
logical structure
The essay presents a well-organized response, with main ideas explained in distinct paragraphs.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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