IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

Some people believe that the government should support the funds for the arts, while some other people suggest that the money should be used for public health and education. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #government #support #funds #arts #money #health #education
Nowadays, there are various debates about where and how the government should spend money. Some people believe that
art
 is important for any society, so authorities should consider it when they want to allocate a budget, but
on the contrary
,
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
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 think public
health
 and education are more essential for
population
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the population
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. The importance of
art
 in our nation is undeniable. It is one of the key elements
to depict
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in depicting
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 cultures
to
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around
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 the globe.
For instance
, If the government find it valuable enough to spend money they will see how their country is becoming influenced positively by absorbing more tourists.
Because usually
Correct word choice
Usually
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 tourists who are looking for
art
 galleries or museums will be charged.
However
, there is no doubt that
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human
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human’s
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human
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health
 and
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well-being
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wellbeing
Correct your spelling
well-being
show examples
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 much more vital than
art
.
As a result
,
art
 boosts
countries
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countries'
country's
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economy
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economies
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 and
help
Correct subject-verb agreement
helps
show examples
 them
to
Verb problem
apply
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spread their culture all over the world.
In contrast
, some opponents are against
of
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apply
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spending
for
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on
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art
,
while
health
 conditions and
improved
Correct article usage
an improved
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 education system are more beneficial. If people feel
health
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healthy
show examples
 and motivated the level of life expectancy in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society will be raised.
Additionally
, developing schools and universities to grow expert workforces,
also
 can increase financial status in societies.
For example
, a country with
healthful
Correct article usage
a healthful
show examples
 population and knowledgable individuals will be more powerful than others. In conclusion,
art
 is a valuable sector for extending our culture to other countries, but
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should not neglect of public
health
 and education system.
As a result
, nobody can underestimate their worth, so all nations should make a balance when they are classifying their budget.
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Task Achievement
Make sure to directly address the question asked in your introduction and conclusion to clearly state your opinion. This will help in presenting a well-rounded argument.
Task Achievement
To further strengthen your essay, you could provide more specific examples and statistics to support your arguments. This makes your points more persuasive and grounded in reality.
Coherence and Cohesion
Strive for clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader through your argument. This helps in maintaining a logical flow and enhancing the overall coherence of your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Try to use a wider range of linking words and phrases to seamlessly connect ideas and paragraphs. This will enhance the readability and flow of your essay.
Task Achievement
The essay explores both views as requested by the prompt, demonstrating a balanced consideration of the topic.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion effectively frame the essay, establishing the topic and summarizing the main points and your stance.
Coherence and Cohesion
Main ideas are supported with explanations, although more detailed examples would enhance the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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