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Band 5

In recent years, technology has significantly transformed the way people communicate. Some believe that these changes have brought more advantages than disadvantages, while others argue the opposite. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#years #technology #people #believe #changes
In
this
 day and age,
as
Change preposition
with
show examples
 the speedy development of
technology
, the way
people
 communicate has been significantly influenced. Some
people
 believe that
technology
 benefits
people
's connection
while
 others hold the opposite view. Personally, I believe the merits
technology
brought
Wrong verb form
brings
show examples
 outweigh
drawbacks
Correct article usage
the drawbacks
show examples
. The most apparent advantage
technology
 brought is that it is more
convenience
Replace the word
convenient
show examples
 for
people
 to get in touch with each other, especially for
long distance
Add a hyphen
long-distance
show examples
 communication. In the past,
people
 in different regions could only
use
 letters to contact, which was extremely time-consuming.
However
,
technology
 these days enables
people
 to chat without distance boundaries.
For instance
, parents can ensure their
kids'safety
Correct your spelling
kids safety
 even if the kids are not with them. Even
people
 in two countries can receive each other's responses
immediatly
Correct your spelling
immediately
, which is bound to be impossible without the help of
technology
. Undeniably,
technology
 brings
use
Correct your spelling
us
show examples
 numerous benefits,
it
Correct word choice
but it
show examples
also
 comes with drawbacks. Many
people
 find that
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
interperson
Correct your spelling
interpersonal
conmmunication
Correct your spelling
communication
communications
 within close relationships is decreasing.
People
 absorb in their smart devices and
ingore
Correct your spelling
ignore
 others's existence, let alone communicate with others.
For instance
, in my family, it is a common phenomenon that everyone plays
their
Change preposition
on their
show examples
 cell phones during dinner and nobody talks.
However
,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
communication between close relationships is pivotal. It not only enables you to maintain relationships
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 provides you
emotional
Change preposition
with emotional
show examples
 support. Personally, I believe the advantages
technology
 brings us exceed the disadvantages. It is an
irrversible
Correct your spelling
irreversible
 trend that more and more
people
 will adopt smart devices as approaches to assist with their lives. Having said that, individuals are well-advised to consider how to
use
technology
wiser
Replace the word
wisely
show examples
 rather than avoiding
use
Wrong verb form
using
show examples
 it at all.
Submitted by asllchkied on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure to vary sentence structures to enhance readability and maintain the reader's interest.
Coherence & Cohesion
Try to provide clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph to guide the reader through your arguments more effectively.
Task Achievement
Consider integrating more diverse and specific examples to strengthen your arguments and make your points more convincing.
General
Review for minor grammatical errors and typos to improve fluency and accuracy.
Task Achievement
You effectively discussed both views on how technology impacts communication, showing a balanced understanding of the topic.
Coherence & Cohesion
The introduction and conclusion were clear, summarising your stance and the discussion points well.
Task Achievement
Good use of an example to illustrate the convenience brought by technology in communication.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • transform the way
  • instant connectivity
  • democratized information
  • over-reliance
  • interpersonal skills
  • digital platforms
  • real-time updates
  • social isolation
  • misinformation
  • constant connectivity
  • mental health challenges
  • balance
  • maximize benefits
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