The government should control the internet to reduce cybercrime and ensure safety of users. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement
The authorities need to regulate
internet
to improve Add an article
the internet
user
's security and to decrease internet
offences. From my perspective, it is not an appropriate suggestion to improve user
's safety also
it can lead to a myriad of problems.
To begin
with, when government
controls the Correct article usage
the government
worldwide
web Correct your spelling
world wide
then
a basic human right called as
freedom of expression diminishes. Change preposition
apply
Then
the government
can control the
Correct article usage
apply
internet
use and could ensure what kind of things are discussed over the internet
and could oppress anyone who tries to offend the government
. For example
, in many countries, authorities can easily delete any post written by people who have account
on social media platforms. Add an article
an account
Thus
, this
regulation makes the government
undemocratic but the basic purpose of controlling cybercrime remains unsuccessfull
.
Correct your spelling
unsuccessful
In addition
, excessive internet
usage regulations can provide an
unwanted access Remove the article
apply
of
public data whether it is social or personal information to the regulatory bodies. It is a kind of Change preposition
to
a
dystopian reality Correct article usage
apply
which
Correct word choice
that
noone
Correct your spelling
no one
want
to think about. BecauseChange the verb form
wants
,
nobody Remove the comma
apply
want
anyone to see what they message to their family or friends. To exemplify, when a person messages to his family member it is stored in a cloud service and if its control reaches Change the verb form
wants
government
Correct article usage
the government
then
people will feel really unsafe. Thus
, a user
's privacy is under threat.
To conclude
, this
regulatory measure is a wrong way to decrease cybercrime. It does not fulfill
the actual purpose but it puts Change the spelling
fulfil
privacy
of a Add an article
the privacy
user
under threat and also
public Correct article usage
the also
lose
freedom of expression.
The Correct subject-verb agreement
loses
government
should be punishing cyber offenders rather than controlling the internet
.Submitted by Kiran on
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introduction
Ensure your introduction clearly presents your stance on the topic for a more direct approach. This will help in making your argument more immediately clear to the reader.
cohesion
Utilize a variety of linking words and phrases to improve the flow of your essay. This can help in making your argument more cohesive and easier to follow.
supporting details
Develop your main points with more detailed and specific examples. This can strengthen your argument and make your position more convincing.
task response
You've clearly taken a stance and argued effectively against government control of the internet, which is good for task response.
logical structure
Your essay maintains a logical flow of ideas, which makes your argumentation follow a coherent structure.
conclusion
The conclusion succinctly summarizes your viewpoint, reinforcing your argument and stance on the issue.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+
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