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Band 5.5

Wild animals are still not protected by humans. What are the causes and what are the solutions?

#animals #humans
Every year,millions of
animals
 undergo painful suffering or death
as a result
 of scientific research into the effects of drugs,cosmetics and other chemical
products
.
While
 most people think animal testing is necessary, others are upset by what they see as needless suffering.
This
 essay will look at some of the positive and negative aspects of animal testing. Many medical treatments have been developed from experiments on
animals
. Since
animals
 share many features with humans, scientists use
animals
 to test the safety and effectiveness of newly developed drugs before testing on small groups of patients. Medical teams practice new operation techniques
such
 as transplants on
animals
,too. Without animal testing,many new drugs would be extremely unsafe.
However
,many people are concerned that
animals
 are suffering unnecessarily and cruelly.They do not believe that every new drug needs to be tested on
animals
, especially with the huge database of knowledge and modern computer models.They
also
 are worried that many animal tests are ineffective, pointing out that some
drugshad
Correct your spelling
drugs had
 to be withdrawn from the market despite extensive testing. They particularly feel that animal testing should not be used for non-essential
products
such
ascosmetics
Correct your spelling
as cosmetics
cosmetics
, shampoos, soaps, and cleaning
products
.
Furthermore
,some people would like to see certain tests replaced and more humane methods used. We need to make sure that the millions of
animals
 who are used for testing new
products
 are treated with the minimum of suffering.
Although
 some animal testing may be unavoidable at present, treating our fellow creatures as mercifully
aspossible
Correct your spelling
as possible
 will demonstrate our humanity.
Submitted by 876764430 on

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coherence cohesion
Consider using a wider variety of linking words and phrases to enhance coherence. While the essay is logically structured, more sophisticated transitions could make the argument flow more smoothly.
task achievement
Develop your examples further to provide more in-depth support for your arguments. This can elevate your task achievement score by demonstrating a deeper understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea. This helps in achieving coherence and making your essay easier to follow.
coherence cohesion
Well-structured argument with clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
task achievement
Good job addressing both sides of the argument which meets the task requirement effectively.
task achievement
Included specific examples which add credibility to your arguments.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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