IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

The diagrams below are existing and proposed floor plans for the redevelopment of an art gallery.

#diagrams #floor #plans #redevelopment #art #gallery
The first picture shows the layout of an art
gallery
, and the second shows some proposed changes to the
gallery
space
.
It is clear that
 significant changes will be made in terms of the use of floor
space
 in the
gallery
. There will be a completely new entrance and more
space
 for exhibitions. At present, visitors enter the
gallery
 through doors which lead into a lobby.
However
, the
plan
 is to move the entrance to the Parkinson Court side of the building, and visitors will walk straight into the exhibition
area
. In place of the lobby and office areas, which are shown on the existing
plan
, the new
gallery
plan
 shows an education
area
 and a small storage
area
. The permanent exhibition
space
 in the redeveloped
gallery
 will be about twice as large as it is now because it will occupy the
area
that is
 now used for temporary exhibitions. There will
also
 be a new room for special exhibitions.
This
 room is shown in red on the existing
plan
 and is not currently part of the
gallery
.
Submitted by h14030013 on

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Structure Improvement
Your essay provides a thorough comparison between the current and proposed floor plans of the art gallery, clearly outlining the major changes. To enhance your essay, consider providing a more detailed introduction and a concluding statement that summarizes the main points and reflects on the potential impact of these changes.
Language Use
Use a variety of linking words and phrases to improve the flow of your essay. This can include comparisons (e.g., 'similarly'), contrasts (e.g., 'however'), and sequences (e.g., 'firstly', 'subsequently'). This will enhance the coherence and cohesion of your text.
Detail Enrichment
Try to include a bit more detail about the specific features of the new and current floor plans. Mentioning specific examples or the significance of the changes can deepen the reader's understanding.
Content Clarity
You have effectively outlined the significant changes planned for the art gallery, clearly mentioning the new entrance and the re-allocated spaces.
Logical Structure
The organization of your essay shows a clear logical sequence, which makes it easy to follow the descriptions of the alterations from the current to the proposed gallery layout.
Task Relevance
You've maintained a focus on how the changes will affect the use of space within the gallery, an important aspect of the task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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