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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The diagrams below are existing and proposed floor plans for the redevelopment of an art gallery.

#diagrams #floor #plans #redevelopment #art #gallery
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The first picture shows the layout of an art
gallery
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, and the second shows some proposed changes to the
gallery
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space
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.
It is clear that
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 significant changes will be made in terms of the use of floor
space
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 in the
gallery
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. There will be a completely new entrance and more
space
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 for exhibitions. At present, visitors enter the
gallery
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 through doors which lead into a lobby.
However
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, the
plan
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 is to move the entrance to the Parkinson Court side of the building, and visitors will walk straight into the exhibition
area
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. In place of the lobby and office areas, which are shown on the existing
plan
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, the new
gallery
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plan
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 shows an education
area
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 and a small storage
area
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. The permanent exhibition
space
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 in the redeveloped
gallery
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 will be about twice as large as it is now because it will occupy the
area
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that is
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 now used for temporary exhibitions. There will
also
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 be a new room for special exhibitions.
This
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 room is shown in red on the existing
plan
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 and is not currently part of the
gallery
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.
Submitted by h14030013 on

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Structure Improvement
Your essay provides a thorough comparison between the current and proposed floor plans of the art gallery, clearly outlining the major changes. To enhance your essay, consider providing a more detailed introduction and a concluding statement that summarizes the main points and reflects on the potential impact of these changes.
Language Use
Use a variety of linking words and phrases to improve the flow of your essay. This can include comparisons (e.g., 'similarly'), contrasts (e.g., 'however'), and sequences (e.g., 'firstly', 'subsequently'). This will enhance the coherence and cohesion of your text.
Detail Enrichment
Try to include a bit more detail about the specific features of the new and current floor plans. Mentioning specific examples or the significance of the changes can deepen the reader's understanding.
Content Clarity
You have effectively outlined the significant changes planned for the art gallery, clearly mentioning the new entrance and the re-allocated spaces.
Logical Structure
The organization of your essay shows a clear logical sequence, which makes it easy to follow the descriptions of the alterations from the current to the proposed gallery layout.
Task Relevance
You've maintained a focus on how the changes will affect the use of space within the gallery, an important aspect of the task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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