IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. In some countries, only few young people go to classical music concerts or or play classical music. Why? Should young people be encouraged to attend and learn more? You should write at least 250 words.

#minutes #countries #people #music #concerts
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays, classical
music
Use synonyms
 is gradually fading away, and people usually associate it with boredom and old-fashion.
However
Linking Words
, In my point of view, it is important to encourage young people to
involve
Wrong verb form
be involved
show examples
 in these topics, and my opinion will be analyzed by discussing the importance of classical
music
Use synonyms
. Younger generations are constantly pursuing
excitements
Fix the agreement mistake
excitement
show examples
 and
stimulations
Fix the agreement mistake
stimulation
show examples
 today,
while
Linking Words
 classical
music
Use synonyms
 is mainly about delicate emotions and often requires more
patients
Fix the agreement mistake
patience
show examples
 to understand. The fast pace of the present world and the slow pace of the
music
Use synonyms
forms
Correct subject-verb agreement
form
show examples
 an ironic comparison. It is already hard to ask for one to slow down,
not to mention
Linking Words
 to participate in something
that is
Linking Words
 usually thought
as
Change preposition
of as
show examples
 the products from the
last
Linking Words
 century.
However
Linking Words
, the importance and the possible changes that
this
Linking Words
music
Use synonyms
 can bring us
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 upon what we can
imagin
Correct your spelling
imagine
imagin'
.
First,
Linking Words
the historical meanings behind these musical treasures are valuable. It is necessary for us to know our roots. Past stories and old experiences can allow us to be humble and full of gratitude.
Second,
Linking Words
artistic characteristics
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 often overlooked, yet it is important to train one with both
rational
Correct article usage
a rational
show examples
 and emotional mindset. Cultivating our artistic side can allow us to present
ourself
Correct pronoun usage
ourselves
show examples
 with a more
gental
Correct your spelling
gentle
genital
 and soft attitude towards the
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
.
To sum up
Linking Words
, I agree with the point of letting young people learn more about classical
music
Use synonyms
. Though one can easily find it tedious,
yet
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
the
imporatance
Correct your spelling
importance
 of knowing our own roots and developing our sensibility cannot be emphasized more. it is strongly suggested to attend more classical
music
Use synonyms
 concerts and
listean
Correct your spelling
listen
listening
 to classical
music
Use synonyms
.
Submitted by lil40629890 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
Try to incorporate more specific examples or data to support your points about the benefits of classical music and its cultural importance. This will make your argument more persuasive and grounded.
Coherence and Cohesion
To improve coherence, make sure each paragraph smoothly transitions into the next. Use more linking phrases like 'Furthermore', 'In addition', and 'Moreover' to connect your ideas more effectively.
Coherence and Cohesion
Pay attention to spelling and grammar to ensure your writing is clear and professional. For example, 'patients' should be 'patience', 'imagin' should be 'imagine', and 'listean' should be 'listen'.
Positive Features
Your introduction effectively sets up the essay topic and your stance on the importance of encouraging young people to engage with classical music.
Positive Features
You have provided a well-structured argument, dividing the essay into clear paragraphs, each dealing with different facets of the issue.
Positive Features
You've successfully conveyed a sense of passion and importance regarding classical music and its relevance, which makes your essay compelling.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: