IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In some countries, online shopping is replacing shopping in stores. Do you think it is a positive or negative development?

#countries #stores #development
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Thesedays
Correct your spelling
These days
 online shopping is extending throughout the world. I wholeheartedly believe that online shopping
in
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
 more useful than
shoping
Correct your spelling
shopping
 in stores.
Firstly
Linking Words
, it is said that selling products through
Correct article usage
the internet
show examples
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
show examples
 benefits
sellers
Use synonyms
.
First,
Linking Words
running an online shop requires low investment because there is no need to provide a store,
espicially
Correct your spelling
especially
 in bustling cities
which
Correct word choice
where
show examples
 the prices of
retails
Correct subject-verb agreement
retail
show examples
 or stores are fortune.
Moreover
Linking Words
, it was
writen
Correct your spelling
written
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 an article that online shopping has climbed the rate of selling significantly, leading to higher income for
sellers
Use synonyms
. It is said that
this
Linking Words
increases
Change the determiner
increase
show examples
is
Change the verb form
are
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 rooted in better
accessibilty
Correct your spelling
accessibility
of
Change preposition
to
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 products which individuals without any restrictions, everywhere and
everytime
Replace the word
every time
show examples
, can search and find
thing
Add an article
the thing
a thing
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 they want.
In addition
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, online shopping is suitable not only for
sellers
Use synonyms
 but
also
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 for customers.
According to
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a
Correct article usage
apply
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research conducted among people in
United
Correct article usage
the United
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 States, customers prefer to buy goods online in order to decrease time-consuming in shops.
Beside
Replace the word
Besides
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, they stated
that is
Linking Words
 easier than
physicaly
Correct your spelling
physically
go
Wrong verb form
going
show examples
 shopping. It is noteworthy to say that product
cost
Fix the agreement mistake
costs
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 will decline considerably by online
shoping
Correct your spelling
shopping
 because the prices of
rent
Wrong verb form
renting
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 a store and the number of
workforce
Change to a plural noun
workforces
show examples
 to sell will
decreas
Correct your spelling
decrease
.
Although
Linking Words
 it is true that some people who have a store will lose their customers, they can start their online shopping to compensate
Linking Words
this
Change preposition
for this
show examples
 shortage and the advantages of shopping
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 websites
outweights
Correct your spelling
outweighs
outweigh
 its disadvantages. In conclusion, from my point of
view
Add a comma
view,
show examples
 the fact that shopping in stores is turning into online shopping is
brilliant
Correct article usage
a brilliant
show examples
 development
due to
Linking Words
 its benefit for both
shopper
Fix the agreement mistake
shoppers
show examples
 and
costomers
Correct your spelling
customers
, ranging from low investment for
sellers
Use synonyms
 to low
price
Fix the agreement mistake
prices
show examples
 for
costomers
Correct your spelling
customers
.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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Sentence Variety
Try to vary your sentence structures more to enhance readability and sophistication of your essay.
Lexical Resource
Incorporate a wider range of vocabulary to avoid repetition and represent ideas more accurately.
Accuracy
It's beneficial to proofread your essay to correct any typographical or grammatical errors for a polished final version.
Examples
Using specific, real-world examples can significantly strengthen your arguments. Consider incorporating more detailed examples to support your points.
Task Response
Your essay effectively addresses the topic, providing a clear position throughout.
Coherence
Well-organized paragraphs and a logical flow of ideas make your essay coherent and easy to follow.
Structure
Introduction and conclusion are well-crafted, offering a solid framework for your essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • unparalleled convenience
  • remote areas
  • wide range of products
  • broad selection
  • price comparison
  • customer satisfaction
  • value for money
  • impact on local businesses
  • economic diversity
  • job losses
  • environmental implications
  • packaging waste
  • carbon emissions
  • carbon footprint
  • data privacy
  • cybersecurity
  • personal data
  • tactile shopping experience
  • immediate gratification
  • physically examined
  • robust measures
  • consumer information
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