IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Many working people get very little or no exercise, causing health problems. What are the causes and what is the solution to this problem.

#people #exercise #health
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Recent statistics show that the average
time
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 working individuals allocate to physical
exercise
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 has decreased dramatically,
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
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 could result in detrimental effects on their physical and mental health. In my opinion, modern lifestyles are probably responsible for
this
Linking Words
. There are some reasons why working people, especially employees do not take
exercise
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 on a regular basis. Nowadays, the costs of living in big cities and metropolises have increased considerably, like expenditures related to housing, food, and transportation.
Therefore
Linking Words
, working people are obliged to work
fulltime
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full-time
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 and are not able to allocate their
time
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 to
exercise
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. Another important reason is that because of the increase
of
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in
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 distances between workplaces and residential areas, employees have to spend lots of their daily
time
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in
Change preposition
on
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 public transportation or their own vehicles commuting between two places. One of the most effective solutions is establishing health clubs or sports
centers
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centres
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 in workplaces
such
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 as public organizations and private companies
,
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apply
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 and equipping them with related
sport
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sports
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 equipment and swimming pool. If
this
Linking Words
 service has been offered at a reasonable price or even free, a large number of employees might be willing to get
exercise
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. In conclusion,
although
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, the challenges of the modern lifestyle
such
Linking Words
 as the high expenses of living and the necessity to work
fulltime
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full-time
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has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
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 resulted in people
have
Wrong verb form
having
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 little or no
time
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 to
exercise
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, there are helpful ways to address
this
Linking Words
 problem and benefit from the positive consequences of getting
exercise
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 in the society.
Submitted by arman802001 on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph focuses on a single idea to improve clarity and understanding.
Task Achievement
Try to include more specific examples and data to support your points, enhancing the effectiveness of your argument.
General
Use a variety of sentence structures to improve the flow of your essay.
Structure
You successfully introduced the topic and provided a conclusion summarizing the main points.
Task Response
Your essay addresses the causes and solutions effectively, showing a good understanding of the task.
Coherence & Cohesion
The organization of your essay into paragraphs for causes and solutions helps in improving its readability.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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