Many people believe that social network websites such as Facebook and Instagram, have had a huge negative impact on both individual and Society. To what extent do you agree?

There is a belief that social media brought many disadvantages to individuals,
as well as
, to the whole society. In
this
essay
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essay,
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I will elaborate on why I strongly believe that those platforms influence
on
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apply
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us negatively.
To begin
with, digital marketing is based on AI algorithms. Namely, Facebook
Ads
, Google
Ads
, Instagram
Ads
and LinkedIn
Ads
follow every single step of users.
As a consequence
,
people
struggle to protect data. Currently, developers want us to log in before taking any advantage of their website. Looking back in history, there were some unforeseen events of stealing information from huge technological companies
such
as Facebook. It brings concerns
of
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about
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whether those companies do not put us in danger.
Moreover
, the current society spends most of their spare time scrolling the internet. Young
people
cannot imagine their
lifes
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lives
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without a phone. Many get addicted and struggle with maintaining
relations
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relationships
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in real life.
While
growing up in
digitalised
Correct article usage
a digitalised
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world, young
people
become too individualistic.
For example
, they are not able to work effectively in a team. It causes downturns for them and their colleagues, as well.
Futhermore
Correct your spelling
Furthermore
, they feel worse than peers who are better skilled in social aspects. The feeling of inferiority affects the lack of confidence.
To sum up
, there are websites that significantly
impacted
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impact
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both individuals and communities. They fail to protect
people
and impact their private
life
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lives
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.
Moreover
, they cause difficulties for humans to find
themselfs
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themselves
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in a work environment.
Therefore
, I think they
bring
Verb problem
have
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a tremendously negative impact
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
peoples' real
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.
Submitted by Aga on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph contains a clear main idea and develops it thoroughly. Using a wider range of conjunctions and transitional phrases can help improve clarity and flow between sentences and paragraphs.
Task Achievement
Try to enrich your essay with more specific examples and details to support your arguments. While general statements are good, adding precise instances or statistics can enhance the strength of your points.
General
Watch out for minor grammatical errors and spelling mistakes, as they can distract from the overall quality of your writing. Regular practice and review can help in minimizing these errors.
Structure
You have presented a well-structured argument with a clear introduction, development, and conclusion. This structure is fundamental for a coherent and cohesive text.
Task Response
Your essay clearly addresses the prompt, providing a relevant discussion on the impacts of social media on individuals and society. This demonstrates good task achievement.
Organization
You have effectively used paragraphs to organize your ideas, which is important for the reader's understanding and the overall clarity of your essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • addiction
  • distraction
  • isolation
  • anxiety
  • cyberbullying
  • narcissism
  • catfishing
  • oversharing
  • surveillance
  • detrimental
  • depression
  • loneliness
  • disconnection
  • excessive
  • media consumption
  • authenticity
  • manipulation
  • misinformation
  • filter bubble
  • digital footprint
  • workplace productivity
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