IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Some people say in order to prevent illness and disease, government should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problem to what extent do you agree or disagree

#people #illness #disease #government #focus #pollution
A wide range of individuals believe that the most effective key to
avoid
Change the verb form
avoiding
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 the negative impact of
the
Correct article usage
apply
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illness and disease is the concentration of the government on
cut
Wrong verb form
cutting
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 down on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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environmental pollution and
housing
Correct article usage
the housing
show examples
 effect.
This
 author
agree
Change the verb form
agrees
show examples
 with the opinion and will give
and
Correct your spelling
an
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 essay to explain why is it
?
Change the punctuation
.
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 It can be understood that most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
Add an article
the people
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people
Change noun form
people's
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 health
issue
Fix the agreement mistake
issues
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 come from the place where we
working
Wrong verb form
work
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 and
living
Wrong verb form
live
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 day and day and
due to
reduce
Change the verb form
reducing
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 the pollution
come
Change the verb form
comes
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 from the environment is one of the most effective
way
Change to a plural noun
ways
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 to protect us from
the
Correct article usage
apply
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illness because our health and daily life get a wide range of negative effects if the environment
surround
Change the verb form
surrounds
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 us is so polluted. The most serious health problem that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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individuals have to face with if they have to live
under
Change preposition
in
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the
Correct article usage
a
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 polluted environment
in
Change preposition
for
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 a long period of time is the
breath
Replace the word
breathing
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 issue or lung cancer
with
Correct your spelling
which
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make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
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 the activity of breath become harder.
Additionally
Add a comma
Additionally,
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 another positive impact of reducing the
house
Change the verb form
housing
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 problem is the quality of
improve
Verb problem
apply
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our
feeling
Fix the agreement mistake
feelings
show examples
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes
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 it become harmonious and fascinating when the individual can live under the fresh air and clean harmonious it will make their life feeling
become
Verb problem
apply
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better
and
Correct word choice
apply
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. In conclusion ,
Correct article usage
the should
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should
Correct article usage
the should
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 focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
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 is the thing that
government
Correct article usage
the government
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should do
Verb problem
apply
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to prevent
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
illness and disease.
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task achievement
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea, supporting it with specific examples or evidence. While your essay suggests important points, integrating more detailed examples could strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Work on developing clearer, more structured paragraphs. Each paragraph should start with a clear topic sentence that signals the main idea of the paragraph, followed by elaboration and examples. This will improve the logical flow of your essay.
general
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and range of vocabulary. Using a variety of sentence structures and vocabulary can enhance the clarity of your arguments and make your writing more compelling.
task achievement
You've made a strong stance on the issue, which is excellent for engaging the reader and answering the question directly.
coherence cohesion
You have a good introduction and conclusion, which frames your essay nicely and provides a clear standpoint on the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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