Some people say in order to prevent illness and disease, government should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree.
These days some individuals think environmental
pollution
and housing problems
should be mitigated by government
to avoid illness and disease. In my opinion, I totally agree with Add an article
the government
this
argue
because environmental Replace the word
argument
pollution
including water
, air
Correct word choice
and air
pollution
can may
affect Remove a modal verb
apply
to
Change preposition
apply
people
's lives harmfully so that
Correct determiner usage
the
government
need to focus more on tackling the solution.
It is true to admit that nowadays the problems
of environmental pollution
and housing problems
are controversy
, and it is alarming that Replace the word
controversial
higher
Correct article usage
the higher
level
of Correct article usage
the level
pollution
appears, the more potention
that Correct your spelling
potential
people
may get illness and from that many disease
may emerge and affect Change to a plural noun
diseases
to
Change preposition
apply
human's
health. Change noun form
human
Hence
, many efforts of government
Correct article usage
the government
toprevent
the Correct your spelling
to prevent
problems
, they might cut down the problems
. Take air
pollution
as the
example, many countries Correct article usage
an
are considered
that the higher level of Wrong verb form
consider
air
pollution
they have, and the data of those coutries
reveal that the proportion of Correct your spelling
countries
people
who get
Verb problem
have
the
Correct article usage
apply
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
about
breathing and lungs Change preposition
with
are
high alarmingly. For that reason, many countries to advert the Correct subject-verb agreement
is
problem
may focus on propagating the dwellers not to take advantage of utilizing individual transports to decrease the toxic emission
that they emit Fix the agreement mistake
emissions
for
the Change preposition
into
air
.
It is also
recognized that environmantal
Correct your spelling
environmental
pollution
as water
pollution
can be
affect Unnecessary verb
apply
to
Change preposition
apply
people
's lives, the water
may be affected by the water
including the chemical substances which may be dumped in to
the Join the words
into
water
can kill the
marine animals and Correct article usage
apply
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
also
affect to
Change preposition
apply
people
's health. People
who drink this
water
may get many diseases and government
need to tackle this
problem
.
In conclusion, tackling the problem
may be the key to enhance
Wrong verb form
enhancing
the
Correct article usage
apply
people
's lives and health to avoid the
illness and disease, from that rise the Correct article usage
apply
Correct your spelling
people's
peole's
life Correct your spelling
people's
expantancy
Correct your spelling
expectancy
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Task Achievement
Make sure your introduction clearly states your position on the topic. Your current introduction does a good job, but further clarity could enhance the reader's understanding right from the beginning.
Coherence and Cohesion
Use a range of linking words to better connect your ideas and paragraphs. This will improve the flow of your essay.
Task Achievement
Develop your paragraphs with more specific examples to support your main points. This will strengthen your arguments and make them more convincing.
General Advice
Be mindful of grammatical accuracy and word choice to ensure clarity throughout your essay. Small errors can distract from your message.
Task Achievement
Your essay offers a clear opinion, aligning with the task requirements.
Coherence and Cohesion
You provided a logical flow of ideas, making it easier for readers to follow your arguments.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your viewpoint and reinforces your argument.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.
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