Some people say that in order to prevent illness and disease, governments should focus on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Some individuals
believed
Wrong verb form
believe
thta
higher priorities should Correct your spelling
that
concerntarte
more on cutting environmental pollution and Correct your spelling
concentrate
households
issues to avoid illness and outbreak diseases. Change the noun form
household
This
writer totally agrees with former
Correct article usage
the former
one
and will lay out the reasons below.
First things Correct pronoun usage
apply
first,
some environmental problems
are always related to human
, especially pollution. Nowadays, humans are more independent with their own inventions and Fix the agreement mistake
humans
humanly
breakthroughs Change the word
human
are
made them become advanced. Verb problem
have
However
, people are taking more advantages
of Fix the agreement mistake
advantage
environment
Correct article usage
the environment
forget
to handle Correct word choice
and forget
those
Correct determiner usage
that
wastes
, and it leads to some consequences that Fix the agreement mistake
waste
very
hard to deal Add a missing verb
are very
in
the long run. Change preposition
with in
Human
Fix the agreement mistake
Humans
directly
Change the adverb
direct
release
Wrong verb form
releasing
contaminats
Correct your spelling
contaminants
contaminates
to
Change preposition
into
ocean
will Add an article
the ocean
also
cause a lot of repercussions to themselves. Therefore
, governments should not turn a blind eye with
Change preposition
to
this
Correct determiner usage
these
problems
and point out some temporary and long-term methods. For instance
, they can organise a campaign or crusade to advocacy
Replace the word
advocate
citizens
in order to protect their life Change preposition
for citizens
environment
by plant
more trees, Wrong verb form
planting
collect
floating garbage Wrong verb form
collecting
and
Correct word choice
apply
tackle
housing Wrong verb form
tackling
problems
such
as hygiene in each households
and Change to a singular noun
household
help
each Wrong verb form
helping
others
to protect Change to a singular noun
other
natural
Add an article
the natural
environment
.
On the other hand
, government
should invest in modern technology to help them work out some backlog Add an article
the government
problems
that they should tackle it
. Using technology Correct pronoun usage
apply
in protecting
Change preposition
to protect
environment
should Add an article
the environment
also
courage
because it has a lot of benefits. Add a missing verb
be courage
Moreover
, higher priorities should attract on
Change preposition
apply
citizens
Change noun form
citizens'
citizen's
life
, as it could be one of the Fix the agreement mistake
lives
reason
Change to a plural noun
reasons
to
make Change preposition
for
environment
become
worse. Nowadays, people are littering and factories are Verb problem
apply
release
more contaminated fumes into Wrong verb form
releasing
atmosphere
, and it harms Add an article
the atmosphere
a lots
Correct the article-noun agreement
a lot
lots
to
Change preposition
of
environment
and people Add an article
the environment
Correct pronoun usage
who live
live
around there, Wrong verb form
living
therefore
government
should fine them to prevent Add an article
the government
those phenomenon
and protect Change the determiner
that phenomenon
those phenomena
environment
.
Add an article
the environment
Therefore
, while
addressing environmental and housing issues is crucial, a holistic strategy that encompasses various factors is essential for effective disease prevention.Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your essay has a clear structure. Introduce each paragraph with a topic sentence, followed by supporting details and examples.
coherence cohesion
Work on improving your grammar and spelling to make your argument more persuasive and easier to follow. Small errors can distract from your message.
task achievement
Expand on your examples by explaining how they directly support your main points. More detailed examples can make your argument stronger.
task achievement
You articulated a clear stance and maintained it throughout the essay, aligning with the task's requirements.
coherence cohesion
Your essay reflects good logical structure by introducing the topic, presenting arguments, and offering a conclusion.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example