IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people say in order to prevent illness and disease, governments should focus on reducing environmental and housing problems. To what extent, do you agree or disagree ?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
A lot of
resident
Change to a plural noun
residents
show examples
 in many
country are
Wrong verb form
countries
show examples
 complain and give
solution
Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
show examples
 that
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 need to spend money salary to make
Use synonyms
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
 better and
reducing
Wrong verb form
reduce
show examples
 environmental and housing problems.
This
Linking Words
 writer will disagree
Linking Words
this
Change preposition
with this
show examples
 opinion and give you the best solution to reducing
disease
Use synonyms
 these days. Starting with a point of view that illness and
disease
Use synonyms
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
always come from
Use synonyms
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
 and make a lot of
people
Use synonyms
 worried about
it
Correct pronoun usage
its
show examples
 harmful
effect
Fix the agreement mistake
effects
show examples
. But the solution when
people
Use synonyms
 ask
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
focus
Fix the infinitive
to focus
show examples
 on housing problems
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
 not a good idea at
this
Linking Words
 time.
This
Linking Words
 is because
illness
Fix the agreement mistake
illnesses
show examples
 have spread everywhere.
For example
Linking Words
, in animals, gas from industry, cars, dirty water. So in that case,
people
Use synonyms
 should focus on reducing gas from
Add an article
the factory
show examples
factory
Fix the agreement mistake
factories
show examples
,
prevent
Correct word choice
and prevent
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 from cutting trees to protect
Use synonyms
environment
Add an article
the environment
show examples
. What is more,
people
Use synonyms
 who
got
Verb problem
have
show examples
opinion
Add an article
the opinion
an opinion
show examples
 that housing problems are the main
reason
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
disease
Use synonyms
 are not
correctly
Change the word
correct
show examples
 enough.
This
Linking Words
 can be
truth
Replace the word
true
show examples
 when
Use synonyms
disease
Add an article
the disease
show examples
 is always come from outside and won’t
effected
Change the verb form
effect
show examples
 much to their houses
.
Correct quantifier usage
much.
show examples
 But in some
case
Fix the agreement mistake
cases
show examples
, some
people
Use synonyms
go
Verb problem
who agree
show examples
 with that opinion can be right.
For example
Linking Words
, when
people
Use synonyms
 live
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
a bad lifestyle, their house can turn to the main
reason
Use synonyms
 that
make
Change the verb form
makes
show examples
they
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
get illness
Wrong verb form
ill
show examples
, it can come from trash and garbage in their house. When it
got
Wrong verb form
gets
show examples
 too much, it can lead
a
Change preposition
to a
show examples
big effect
to
Change preposition
on
show examples
 their health in future. But not too
much
Correct quantifier usage
many
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 get
disease
Use synonyms
 from that
reason
Use synonyms
. So
this
Linking Words
 will turn back to
other
Correct quantifier usage
another
show examples
reason
Use synonyms
 I talk on part one. In conclusion, reducing
Correct article usage
the environmental
show examples
environmental
Replace the word
environment
show examples
 and housing
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
show examples
kinda
Correct your spelling
kind
show examples
good
Change preposition
of good
show examples
 but with a bigger responsibility,
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
focus on gas from
factory
Fix the agreement mistake
factories
show examples
 and protect the
environment
Use synonyms
. So it can bring for the community a better life.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Try to organize your essay more effectively by clearly delineating your introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. This will help in improving the logical flow and coherence of your essay.
task achievement
Ensure your introduction clearly outlines your viewpoint on the topic, and use the conclusion to reinforce your stance, summarizing your main arguments without introducing new information.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments. This will help in making your essay more persuasive and demonstrate a thorough understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and vary your sentence structures to enhance the readability and sophistication of your essay.
task achievement
You presented a clear stance on the topic, which is good for task achievement.
task achievement
Your effort to address both sides of the argument shows an attempt to explore the topic comprehensively.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: