Some people say in order to prevent illness and disease, governments should focus on reducing environmental and housing problems. To what extent, do you agree or disagree ?
A lot of
resident
in many Change to a plural noun
residents
country are
complain and give Wrong verb form
countries
solution
that Fix the agreement mistake
solutions
government
need to spend money salary to make Correct article usage
the government
environment
better and Add an article
the environment
reducing
environmental and housing problems. Wrong verb form
reduce
This
writer will disagree this
opinion and give you the best solution to reducing Change preposition
with this
disease
these days.
Starting with a point of view that illness and disease
are
always come from Unnecessary verb
apply
environment
and make a lot of Add an article
the environment
people
worried about it
harmful Correct pronoun usage
its
effect
. But the solution when Fix the agreement mistake
effects
people
ask government
Correct article usage
the government
focus
on housing problems Fix the infinitive
to focus
are
not a good idea at Correct subject-verb agreement
is
this
time. This
is because illness
have spread everywhere. Fix the agreement mistake
illnesses
For example
, in animals, gas from industry, cars, dirty water. So in that case, people
should focus on reducing gas from Add an article
the factory
factory
, Fix the agreement mistake
factories
prevent
Correct word choice
and prevent
people
from cutting trees to protect environment
. What is more, Add an article
the environment
people
who got
Verb problem
have
opinion
that housing problems are the main Add an article
the opinion
an opinion
reason
of
Change preposition
for
disease
are not correctly
enough. Change the word
correct
This
can be truth
when Replace the word
true
disease
is always come from outside and won’t Add an article
the disease
effected
much to their housesChange the verb form
effect
.
But in some Correct quantifier usage
much.
case
, some Fix the agreement mistake
cases
people
go
with that opinion can be right. Verb problem
who agree
For example
, when people
live with
a bad lifestyle, their house can turn to the main Change preposition
apply
reason
that make
Change the verb form
makes
they
Correct pronoun usage
them
get illness
, it can come from trash and garbage in their house. When it Wrong verb form
ill
got
too much, it can leadWrong verb form
gets
a
big effect Change preposition
to a
to
their health in future. But not too Change preposition
on
much
Correct quantifier usage
many
people
get disease
from that reason
. So this
will turn back to other
Correct quantifier usage
another
reason
I talk on part one.
In conclusion, reducing Correct article usage
the environmental
environmental
and housing Replace the word
environment
are
Correct subject-verb agreement
is
kinda
Correct your spelling
kind
good
but with a bigger responsibility, Change preposition
of good
government
should Add an article
the government
be
focus on gas from Unnecessary verb
apply
factory
and protect the Fix the agreement mistake
factories
environment
. So it can bring for the community a better life.Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
coherence cohesion
Try to organize your essay more effectively by clearly delineating your introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. This will help in improving the logical flow and coherence of your essay.
task achievement
Ensure your introduction clearly outlines your viewpoint on the topic, and use the conclusion to reinforce your stance, summarizing your main arguments without introducing new information.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your arguments. This will help in making your essay more persuasive and demonstrate a thorough understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
Pay attention to grammatical accuracy and vary your sentence structures to enhance the readability and sophistication of your essay.
task achievement
You presented a clear stance on the topic, which is good for task achievement.
task achievement
Your effort to address both sides of the argument shows an attempt to explore the topic comprehensively.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?