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Band 5

Some people think that success in life comes trom hard work and determination, while others think hot there are more infortant factors such as money and appearance. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #success #life #trom #work #determination #infortant #factors #money #appearance
The word '
success
' comes from the 16th Century Latin word “succedere” meaning “come close after".
Success
 is very important in our life . But the question is
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
where to get it or how
u
Correct your spelling
you
 become successful in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life. There are many views from different
type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
show examples
 of people about getting
success
. Some think that money and power
is
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are
show examples
 essential for
success
 because if you are not a rich person or have no status you
cacnot
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can't
cannot
 be able
achieve
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to achieve
show examples
success
. On the
otherhand
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other hand
, Many of them
emphasis
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emphasise
show examples
 that you can only be successful if you achieve your goals with hard work and dedication. As for concern my point of view, I stand the opinion that
success
 can only be achieved by
determintation
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determination
 and being loyal to the targets because
,
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apply
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success
 is not a goal but only the first step to achieving
such
 goals.
Furthermore
, If
any one
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anyone
show examples
 has
lake
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a lake
the lake
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 of
pasion
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passion
 towards his job or not doing
the
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apply
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things in a proper way, it creates
lazyness
Correct your spelling
laziness
 and dependency in the person which
resulting
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results
show examples
 in failure. In simple
words
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words,
show examples
 we can say that
success
 is a pathway through
you
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which you
show examples
 could be able to move to your destination which is in your
in
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apply
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mind.
Moreover
, the path
of
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to
show examples
success
have
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has
show examples
 no shortcut but have to work hard and have
courage
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the courage
show examples
 to face the hurdles
btween
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between
 you and your goals. I conclude the
essey
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essay
 with
statement
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the statement
a statement
show examples
 that
success
could not
Wrong verb form
cannot
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 be achieved by wealth, you have
confidance
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confidence
 in
you
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yourself
show examples
 and work hard with dedication and determination to achieve your dream targets.
Submitted by computersinn2007 on

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Task Achievement
Aim to clearly state your opinion in the introduction to immediately address the essay prompt.
Coherence & Cohesion
Vary your sentence structure more to showcase linguistic range and enhance readability.
Task Achievement
Try to directly address both views discussed in the prompt before stating your own opinion for a more balanced discussion.
Task Achievement
Use specific examples to strengthen your arguments. This could involve citing studies, hypothetical scenarios, or personal anecdotes.
Task Achievement
You've shown a good attempt at discussing both views presented in the essay prompt.
Coherence & Cohesion
There is a clear effort to structure the essay with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion.
Task Achievement
Your conclusion neatly summarises your viewpoint, reinforcing your stance on the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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