IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

prisons are an expensive way of making bad people worse to what extent do you agree or disagree

#prisons #people
All around the world,
people
 who break the
the
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apply
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law are sentenced to be imprisoned
as a consequence
 of their actions. A notable number of
people
 claim that putting offenders in prison is not
cost effective
Add a hyphen
cost-effective
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 at all. They claim that imprisonment may
aggrevate
Correct your spelling
aggravate
aggregate
 bad behaviours and impose high costs on governments.
This
 essay discusses both ideas supporting and opposing
this
 status.
To begin
 with, it is widely believed that governments spend millions of dollars on building
prisons
, hiring security guides, and providing
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
prisoners with free food, water, and electricity. At the same time, prisoners have to spend their whole time for several years with other offenders who might have a wide range
personality
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of personality
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 disorders. If
one
 prisoner has a weak personality, might
ends
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end
show examples
 up
adapting
Correct your spelling
adopting
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 those misbehaviours.
For instance
,
one
 person has been imprisoned following a pickpocketing, but for a definite time
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 to live with inmates who are convicted because of violence.
Therefore
,
as a result
 of avoiding being bullied by
others
Add a comma
others,
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one
 has to display aggression as well.
On the other hand
, other
people
 declare that
prisons
 are a necessity in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
one
 reason is the jail's
deterrance
Correct your spelling
deterrence
deterrent
 effect. There might be some
people
 who have inner intentions to break the law,
however
Add a comma
however,
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 the fear of being caught and punished prevents them from doing so.
In addition
, in most
prisons
 around the world
rehablitation
Correct your spelling
rehabilitation
 programmes are being held.
For example
, detainees are taught how to play music or do carpentry. Activities chosen by these programmes are the ones that can cherish
one
's soul and help them to face and handle their inner turmoils and
angers
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anger
fits of anger
waves of anger
show examples
. It is assumed that these measures can reduce the recidivism rate. In summary,
Although
 building and maintaining
prisons
 enforces a great burden
to
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on
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 a country's
economics
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economy
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, I am inclined to think that their presence is paramount to
control
Wrong verb form
controlling
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 the crime rate in a society and has more benefits than disadvantages.
Submitted by Sh.ferdowsian94 on

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Clarity
Provide a clearer introductory statement to directly address the prompt's question more explicitly.
Detail
Enhance the development of paragraphs with more specific examples to support your arguments.
Vocabulary
Consider a wider range of vocabulary to express your ideas with greater precision and variability.
Grammar
Review your essay for minor grammatical errors and aim to use a variety of sentence structures.
Logic
Ensure a stronger connection between your supporting examples and the main point they are meant to illustrate.
Structure
Well-structured essay with clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
Coherence
Good use of connecting words to guide the reader through the essay smoothly.
Conclusion
Effective conclusion summarizing the main points and stating your opinion clearly.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

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