IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The chart shows the number of people working in 4 sports sectors in an Australia town in 2015.

The chart shows the number of people working in 4 sports sectors in an Australia town in 2015.
The given bar chart depicts the numbers of voluntary and hired
people
Use synonyms
 working in 4 different sports roles in a town in Australia in 2015
Overall
Linking Words
, it is evident that the number of volunteers in athletic events accounted for the highest in most figures, with the exception
for
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the role of referees,
while
Linking Words
 the number of
people
Use synonyms
 who are paid to attend
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the match did not have many differences in 4 sectors. In 2015, the number of voluntary coaches
decided
Correct pronoun usage
who decided
show examples
 to engage in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
sports events in Australian
town
Fix the agreement mistake
towns
show examples
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 the largest, at 80
people
Use synonyms
.
The
Correct article usage
A
show examples
 similar trend was seen in both figures for voluntary managers and other sections,
rougly
Correct your spelling
roughly
 40 and 70
people
Use synonyms
 respectively. The numbers of hired
coachers
Correct your spelling
coaches
show examples
, managers and other parts were lower than those of volunteers, approximately 40
people
Use synonyms
 for each
sectors
Change to a singular noun
sector
show examples
.
However
Linking Words
, the figure for referees saw the opposite trend,
while
Linking Words
 only 30 voluntary referees took part in
this
Linking Words
events
Fix the agreement mistake
event
show examples
, more than 38 workers were paid to appear in
this
Linking Words
 role.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words people with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "figures" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "numbers of" was used 5 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
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