Some people think that the best way to reduce crime is to give longer prison sentences. Others, however, believe there are better alternative ways of reducing crime. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
Some people believe that the solution to crime reduction is to sentence them for longer periods of time.
On the other hand
, many argue that other methods can be used for a decrease in illegal actions. My belief stands with the latter because the former opinion is useless and prisoners can be taught to serve in other fields and professions.
Increasing the sentences given by the system to criminals can be a great way to prevent them from further
charges. This
method can threat
them, and they will be afraid of serving a longer time in jail. Replace the word
threaten
Hence
, they will no longer live a life crime
in the futureChange preposition
of crime
,
or Remove the comma
apply
prevents
normal civilians from Correct subject-verb agreement
prevent
such
actions. For instance
, if an individual ever thinks about committing one, they will scared of the consequences it may bring by this
increase of sentences.
Yet, this
tactic is proved to insufficient
. Add a missing verb
be insufficient
Such
people will never learn their lesson, and continue to commit future crimes because they lack morality and a sense of being useful. If the government provides a rehabilitation program for them, prisoners can rediscover their purpose or talents. Additionally
, they can return to society as a normal person with improved morals. For instance
, Tom Hardy once lived a life of crime, but he found his talent for acting as a gateway to save himself. with many other examples of people learning carpentering or toy making
Add a hyphen
toy-making
while
being in prison.
To conclude
, the discussion of wether
Correct your spelling
whether
giving
longer jail times or shift to better methods stands, the former can prevent many by creating fear, but is no longer sufficient. Change the verb form
to give
While shifting
to alternate ways like teaching them skills which they can use to better themselves is clearly superior.Correct word choice
Shifting
Submitted by soroush.nezami on
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Coherence & Cohesion
To strengthen your essay, ensure each paragraph clearly presents its main point with a topic sentence. This helps readers immediately understand the focus of each section.
Coherence & Cohesion
Incorporate a wider range of cohesive devices (e.g., additionally, consequently, on the other hand) to enhance the flow of your essay and clearly signal transitions between ideas and paragraphs.
Task Achievement
Expand on your examples to illustrate your points more fully. Providing more context and details can help to support your arguments more convincingly.
Task Achievement
Be careful with making broad generalizations without evidence, such as stating an opinion is 'useless.' It’s more academically rigorous to phrase such observations as personal views or supported by evidence.
Task Achievement
You effectively discussed both sides of the argument and provided a clear opinion, fulfilling the task requirement.
Coherence & Cohesion
Your conclusion successfully summarized the main points and restated your opinion, providing a clear closure to the essay.