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Band 5

In many places, new homes are needed, but the only space available for building them is in the countryside. Some people believe it is more important to protect the countryside and not build new homes there. What is your opinion about this?

#places #homes #space #countryside #people
In many
places
,
people
 are in dire need of new homes,
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 the only place to
built
Wrong verb form
build
show examples
 them is available in
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
show examples
.
While
 few persons think it is not a great idea to construct new houses in the
countryside
. I think
this
 is true because if
people
 move to
countryside
Correct article usage
the countryside
show examples
 there will be no land left for farming and
as well as
 for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
domestic animals. And it
also
 leads towards environmental problems. I discuss my opinion in the following paragraphs.
Due to
 an increase in the population, it is becoming more challenging for human beings to find
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
accommodation in the city because of
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 resources. So,
people
 desperately turning towards the regional
places
 to build new houses.
However
, if
majority
Add an article
the majority
a majority
show examples
 of
people
 relocate to these
places
 it will not only have
negative
Add an article
a negative
show examples
 impact on farming
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 but
also
 cause
an
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
show examples
environmental issues. As there will be no place for agriculture and
also
 cutting of the plants which tents towards
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
economical
Replace the word
economic
show examples
 imbalance. To overcome
this
 problem, I think
government
Add an article
the government
show examples
 should come up will plans to stop
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
individuals
moving
Change preposition
from moving
show examples
 to regional
places
such
 as by educating them with proper knowledge. And
also
, provide them
a
Add the preposition
with a
show examples
new living area by transforming houses in the city
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
 apartments. Because of the enormous size of the building, it can accommodate
large
Change the article
a large
the large
show examples
 number of
people
 in it. In
this
 way,
law makers
Correct your spelling
lawmakers
show examples
 can limit beings going to
countryside
Add an article
the countryside
show examples
.
To conclude
, in order to
safe
Replace the word
save
show examples
 the world, the government should not allow
people
 to develop new homes in regional areas, as if
effects
Correct your spelling
affects
show examples
 land and animals which leads to
negative
Correct article usage
a negative
show examples
 impact.
Submitted by hassan05.quadri on

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task achievement
Consider expanding your examples to be more specific and detailed, which will help support your main points more effectively.
coherence and cohesion
To enhance coherence, aim to clearly link your ideas and paragraphs. Use a variety of linking words and phrases to show the relationships between your points.
task achievement
Refining your arguments and providing more precise, diverse examples can greatly improve the depth and clarity of your essay.
structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing your argument.
logical structure
You've maintained a logical flow of ideas, making your overall position clear.
task response
Your essay addresses the prompt directly, reflecting a good understanding of the topic.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Get your IELTS Essential Vocabulary List —
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Urbanization
  • Ecological benefits
  • Biodiversity conservation
  • Carbon sequestration
  • Sustainable development
  • Eco-friendly building materials
  • Green architecture
  • Government policies
  • Urban sprawl
  • Infrastructure
  • Smart planning
  • Agricultural lands
  • Rural areas
  • Population growth
  • Environmental sensitivity
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