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Band 5

Lack of fresh water is becoming a global issue of increasing importance. what problems does this shortage case? what measures could be taken to overcome these problems?

#lack #water #importance #shortage #case #measures
In
a
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apply
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modern society,
problem
Correct article usage
the problem
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 of shortage
aqua
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of aqua
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 pura is becoming more significant and
importance
Correct article usage
the importance
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 of
this
 is increasing. The main cause of
lack
Correct article usage
the lack
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 of pure
water
 is
pollution
Add an article
the pollution
a pollution
show examples
 of resources which was giving drinking
water
 to
population
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the population
show examples
, and the best solution for
this
 problem is to help
people
to
Verb problem
apply
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understand the significance of
water
 by providing video clips about
this
 catastrophe. The major reason
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
this
 future global
issue
 is contamination of
water
 supplies
such
 as lakes, seas,oceans and rivers. Individuals by throwing their garbage like bottles, cans , plastic bags and cigarette tubs,
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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are clogging the ocean which leads to
pollution
Correct article usage
the pollution
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 of
water
.
Due to
this
, a good amount of chemicals are damaging
planet's
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the planet's
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 resources,like a
cigarra
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cigar
 which contains
a
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apply
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cocain
Correct your spelling
cocaine
 which is harmful
for
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to
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person's
Correct article usage
a person's
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 health.
For example
,
according to
 the
last
 survey 65 per cent of
river
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the river
a river
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 in Almaty called Malaya Almayinka is full
with
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of
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 a carton which was thrown by locals. Of course,
due to
this
people
 are suffering
of
Change preposition
from
show examples
deficiency
Correct article usage
a deficiency
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 of a fresh
water
 supply. To tackle
this
issue
people
 should convey information about
this
 problem, by posting video clips or posts
by
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apply
show examples
adding photos of that mess on platforms
such
Instagram
Change preposition
as Instagram
show examples
, Tik-tok and YouTube where a lot of
people
 spend their time, they can see that if they do not pollute the
water
 resources, there will not be
lackness
Correct your spelling
blackness
 of fresh
water
.
For instance
, research carried out that nowadays 95% of
crowd
Add an article
the crowd
a crowd
show examples
 around the world
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
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 informed about crucial
catostrophes
Correct your spelling
catastrophes
catastrophe
 by social media. In conclusion, impurity is a major
issue
 that can result shortage of pure
water
,
nevertheless
 , it can be addressed by informing
people
 about
this
 global
issue
.
Submitted by aizered097 on

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Coherence and Cohesion
Introduction and conclusion are well-presented, but try to make your main points more distinct and clear. This helps in strengthening the overall cohesiveness of the essay.
Task Achievement
Ensure to provide specific examples and data to support your points. Using researched facts or hypothetical scenarios could enhance the persuasiveness of your arguments.
Task Achievement
While addressing the pollution of water sources, consider expanding on various forms and sources of pollution to provide a broader context.
Coherence and Cohesion
Utilize transition words and phrases more effectively to ensure the smooth flow of ideas from one paragraph to the next.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your conclusion neatly summarizes the essay and reinforces the main points, effectively rounding off the discussion.
Task Achievement
Good job on identifying social media as a tool for raising awareness. This modern approach aligns well with the essay's context.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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