IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Nowadays, more people move away from their friends and families for work. Do advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #move #friends #families #work
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In the historical period we are living in, many
people
Use synonyms
 are moving to another city or country that can give him/her a working opportunity. Regarding
this
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 topic, there are different opinions in favour and contrast.
However
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, in my opinion,
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
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 outweigh
drawbakcs
Correct your spelling
drawbacks
. On one hand, a large part of the global population grows in places that do not offer any
opportunity
Fix the agreement mistake
opportunities
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 to them.
Therefore
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, when
people
Use synonyms
 become adults, they
could
Wrong verb form
can
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 understand that moving away could give them better chances to live a good life.
In addition
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, moving away from family and friends
,
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apply
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 could be an experience that leads the person to
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
general growth, becoming more autonomous and responsible for his/her life.
Moreover
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, living far from home
,
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apply
show examples
 can lead to the creation of new
network's
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network
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 connections and to
discover
Replace the word
discovery
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different
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of different
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 cultures and backgrounds.
On the other hand
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, some
people
Use synonyms
 could be very nostalgic and they could have issues
in
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apply
show examples
making new friends.
Therefore
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, they could feel lost in a new place, where they do not know anyone.
This
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 could lead them to face the new work in a bad mood, which could
bring
Verb problem
lead
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 to
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
poor performance.
Furthermore
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,
parents
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the parents
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 of the worker could have
healthy
Replace the word
health
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 issues.
This
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 means they may have need of his/her presence in a location near them.
This
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 could lead to future problems
,
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apply
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 if the worker
is not be
Change the verb form
is not
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 able to arrive on time.
To conclude
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, I think that
benefits
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the benefits
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 overweight
disadvantages
Correct article usage
the disadvantages
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. In fact, any human person should not be dependent on anyone else.
This
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 means that everyone should make his/her experiences outside of their place, knowing new
people
Use synonyms
 and growing humanly.
However
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, it is good to come back home once in a
while
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 to meet friends and family, who are one of the most important things
of
Change preposition
in
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 our life.
Submitted by silvestriandrea.it on

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Specific Examples
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Depth of Argument
Consider exploring both sides of the argument in more depth to provide a more nuanced discussion.
Grammar and Expression
Proofread your essay to correct minor grammatical errors and enhance your overall expression.
Introduction and Conclusion
Your essay effectively introduces and concludes the topic, nicely framing the discussion.
Logical Structure
You've shown a good ability to logically structure your essay, guiding the reader through your points clearly.
Topic Understanding
Your essay reflects a strong understanding of the topic, presenting a clear stance with relevant (though could be more specific) examples.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • career advancement
  • job opportunities
  • job market
  • salaries
  • personal growth
  • cultural horizons
  • adaptability
  • resilience
  • global perspective
  • emotional and psychological impact
  • loved ones
  • loneliness
  • homesickness
  • support network
  • long-distance relationships
  • emotional strain
  • face-to-face interactions
  • financial cost
  • housing deposits
  • travel costs
  • living expenses
What to do next:
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