IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

The number of travellers using three major airports in New York City between 1995 and 2000.

#travellers #three #airports #york #city
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The line graph gives information about how many
the
Change preposition
of the
show examples
Correct your spelling
transwells
travels
trawells
using
Wrong verb form
use
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there
Replace the word
their
show examples
 major
airaports
Correct your spelling
airports
 in New York City namely
JohnF
Correct your spelling
John
.
LaGuardia
 and
Newark
 between 1995 and 200 years
Overall
 the
number
 of
LaGuardia
 showed rising trends,
whereas
 that of
Newark
 saw small with
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
LaGuardia
 having the biggest and
Newark
 very low .
According to
 the line graph that showed
John
F
. average 25 %percentage of
Change the article
a
the
show examples
number
 of
trawells
Correct your spelling
travellers
in
1995
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the 1995
show examples
year
.
LaGuardia
 gradual 35
%proportion
 of
number
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a number
the number
show examples
 of
trawells
Correct your spelling
travellers
 in
1995
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the 1995
show examples
year
.
Newark
fall
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falls
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 15
%percentage
 of
number
trawells
Correct your spelling
travels
transwells
 in
1995
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the 1995
show examples
year
.
John
F
.
rise
Wrong verb form
rose
show examples
 33
%proportion
 of the
number
 of
trawels
Correct your spelling
travels
 in
1996
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the 1996
show examples
year
.
LaGuardia
 dramatic 40 %percentage of
number
trawels
Correct your spelling
travels
trawls
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
1196
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the 1196
show examples
year
Fix the agreement mistake
years
show examples
.
Newark
 a little rising 23
%proportion
 of
number
Correct your spelling
travels
transwells
trawells
 in
1996
Change the article
the 1996
show examples
year
.
Jahn
Correct your spelling
John
show examples
F
. significant rising 45 % percentage of
number
trawel
Correct your spelling
travel
in
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the
show examples
1997
year
.
LaGuardia
 presumably 42
%proportion
 of
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
Change preposition
of trawells
show examples
trawells
Correct your spelling
travels
transwells
in
1997
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the 1997
show examples
year
 .
Newark
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Newark's
show examples
 steady 38
%percentage
 of
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
Change preposition
of trawells
show examples
trawells
Correct your spelling
travels
transwells
 in
1997
Change the article
the 1997
show examples
year
.
John
F
. decline 33 %proportion of
number
trawells
Correct your spelling
travels
transwells
 in 1998
year
.
LaGuardia
 slight 43 %percentage of
number
trawels
Correct your spelling
travels
trawls
 in
1998
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the 1998
show examples
year
.
Newark
Change noun form
Newark's
show examples
 steady 41 %percentage of
number
Correct article usage
the number
show examples
Change preposition
of trawells
show examples
trawells
Correct your spelling
travels
transwells
 in
1998
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the 1998
show examples
year
.
John
F
. fall 32 % proportion of
number
trawels
Correct your spelling
travels
trawls
 in
1999
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the 1999
show examples
year
.
LaGuardia
 sudden 50 %proportion of
number
trawells
Correct your spelling
travels
transwells
 in
1999
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the 1999
show examples
year
.
Newark
 minimal rising 41
%percentage
 of
number
trawells
Correct your spelling
travels
transwells
 in
1999
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the 1999
show examples
year
.
John
F
 . marked 43 %proportion of
number
trawels
Correct your spelling
travels
trawls
 in
Change the article
the
show examples
2000
year
 .
LaGuardia
 sharp 69
%percentage
 of
number
trawells
Correct your spelling
travels
transwells
 in
2000
Change the article
the 2000
show examples
year
.
Newark
 a little rising 41 %proportion of
number
trawels
Correct your spelling
travels
trawls
 in
2000
Change the article
the 2000
show examples
year
.
Submitted by hamzayevasamina on

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Structure
Work on structuring your essay more logically. A clear introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion can help present your analysis more effectively.
Cohesion
Introduce each airport analysis distinctly and ensure a smoother transition between sentences and paragraphs for enhanced readability.
Accuracy
Ensure to explain the trends and data points clearly and accurately. Avoid using terms like 'trawells' and instead, use the correct term 'travellers'.
Task Response
Try to provide a summary or an overview of the main trends observed at the beginning or end of your essay to encapsulate the information presented.
Detailing
Your attempt to include specific percentages and changes over the years shows a good approach to detailing.
Task Coverage
Addressing all three airports indicates an attempt to cover the task's scope completely.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • significant increase
  • highest number
  • steady increase
  • largest growth
  • dramatic
  • slowest growth
  • slight decrease
  • gradual increase
  • period
  • travelers
  • major airports
  • followed by
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