You joined a sports club recently and are experiencing some problems. Write to the club manager. In your letter Say why you joined the club Explain about the problems you are experiencing Suggest solutions to fix them.

#sports #club #manager

Dear Sir, I am Kiranpreet Kaur and I am writing

this

letter

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

due to

some issues which I

Wrong verb form

have been

show examples

facing just after I

had

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

joined the Albion

Sports

Club. The reason I

have

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

joined the club was to learn some of the recreational

sports

such

as swimming and table tennis. I have got membership on

the

Correct article usage

show examples

quarterly basis and I have opted for the evening practice sessions from 4-6 pm. It is really unfortunate that I have been facing some of the challenges from the start. Many

sports

equipment are broken and we are not able to practice with

such

equipment.

Also

, there is just one coach to train swimming but he cannot focus properly on every student of the session.

Therefore

, the club should hire more staff to train students properly and to attend

all

Change preposition

to all

show examples

the needs of the members.

Similary

Correct your spelling

Similarly

, it

also

need

Change the verb form

needs

show examples

to buy more

sports

equipment like tables and

also

need

Change the verb form

needs

show examples

to repair if required. I hope you will consider my suggestions and facilitate our learning journey

according to

our needs. Yours faithfully, Kiran

Submitted by Kiran on Wed Apr 24 2024

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structure

Consider dividing your points into more distinct paragraphs to enhance clarity.

linking

Use a variety of linking words to smoothly transition between ideas for even better cohesion.

development

Expanding on the proposed solutions with more detailed explanation or examples could enrich your response.

content

You clearly introduced the purpose of your letter, maintained a focused message throughout, and offered solutions.

tone

Your polite and respectful tone is well-suited to the context of writing to a club manager.

structure

You structured your letter with a clear introduction, body paragraphs addressing different issues, and a concluding paragraph.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

firstly
secondly
thirdly
in additional
moreover
also
for example
for instance
therefore
however
although
even though
despite

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6Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Grammar mistakes
 

8 paragraphs

179 words

5.50

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Single idea per paragraph

Greeting and closing

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Suitable writing tone

Appropriate word count

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You joined a sports club recently and are experiencing some problems. Write to the club manager. In your letter Say why you joined the club Explain about the problems you are experiencing Suggest solutions to fix them.

Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Modern medical science has made it possible to combat many diseases. This is one reason that people are living longer lives now than they did in the past. Discuss the effects this might have on society.

The growth of online shopping will one day lead to all chops in towns and cities closing. Do you agree or Disagree

Some people feel that playing computer games has a negative impact on children’s health and social skills. Others say that it can have a positive impact on their lives. Discuss both these views.

The development of tourism contributed to English becoming the most prominent language in the world. Some people think this will lead to English becoming the only language to be spoken globally. What are the advantages and disadvantages to having one language in the world?