IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

There is a lot of pressure on young people today to succeed academically. As a result, some people believe that non-academic subjects, such as physical education and cookery, should be removed from the school syllabus so that children can concentrate on academic work. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays
students
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 come across the pressure that they have to be successful in academic studies. Some
people
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 tend to think that non-academic
subjects
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 are not essential and it is more useful if young
people
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 will improve only their academic
subjects
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.
However
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, the issue is not entirely straightforward, and arguments can be made against the idea.
This
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 essay will discuss a debate, and give a concluding view. On the one hand, it seems that indeed
students
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 go to university to get a specialization in a certain field of
study
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 and they must
to
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apply
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obtain only skills that will help them
to
Verb problem
apply
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get a job and perform duties. Since the years of
study
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 are restricted it would be better to keep focus on specific
subjects
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.
For instance
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, it is possible that some
students
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 can lose an opportunity to understand the material of main lectures because secondary
subjects
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 take up
time
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 and as
the
Correct article usage
a
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result
Add a comma
result,
show examples
 young
people
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 can not find any other
time
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 to improve and achieve more success in their field of
study
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.
In contrast
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, learning non-academic
subjects
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give
Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
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 young
people
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an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
additional knowledge and at the same
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time
Add a comma
time,
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 an educational institution does not impose a ban on
variety
Add an article
a variety
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 of
subjects
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. Not only should
university
Correct article usage
the university
show examples
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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prepare
students
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 for a future job, but
also
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 an adult life in general.
Moreover
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, young
people
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 by studying
subjects
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 other than their
professional
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profession
show examples
 can let them
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
change
the
Change the word
their
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 focus and rest from academic activities.
Finally
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, my way of thinking there should be a balance in various types of studies. There are a significant number of benefits to learning both academic and non-academic
subjects
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 throughout the
study
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 period.
However
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,
students
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 need to remember what is their main focus and prioritize
time
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 correctly.

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Task Achievement
To enhance clarity and impact, consider integrating more specific examples to underline your arguments. Although your points are well-made, the use of detailed instances can deepen the reader's understanding of your stance.
Coherence & Cohesion
Work on varying your sentence structures to improve readability and add sophistication to your argumentation. This can also help in making your essay more engaging.
Introduction
Your introduction sets up the essay topic well, providing a clear indication of your discussion direction.
Logical Structure
You've maintained a logical flow of ideas, effectively guiding the reader through your argument.
Conclusion
Your conclusion effectively summarizes your viewpoints, reinforcing your balanced perspective on the issue.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • pressure
  • succeed
  • academically
  • non-academic
  • physical education
  • cookery
  • school syllabus
  • concentrate
  • academic work
  • well-rounded
  • enhancement
  • practical skills
  • balanced education system
What to do next:
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