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Band 4.5

It has been believed that advertisement make people buy products which actually they do not require.Do you agree or disagree?

#advertisement #people #products
There are common
belief
Fix the agreement mistake
beliefs
show examples
such
 as advertisements are made
such
Change preposition
in such
show examples
 a way that they urge
people
 to purchase things that in reality they don't need for their daily
lifes
Correct your spelling
lives
show examples
. I completely disagree with
this
 statement.
Firstly
,every individual has their own knowledge and they make their purchases
consciusly
Correct your spelling
consciously
. Modern
people
educated
Add a missing verb
are educated
show examples
 and they know what
do
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
they require or not for their
comsumption
Correct your spelling
consumption
 or use.
Furthermore
, most
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people
resieve
Correct your spelling
receive
 advice
others
Change preposition
from others
show examples
 about buying serious products which enhances
Correct article usage
the likehood
show examples
likehood
Correct your spelling
likelihood
 of
successful
Correct article usage
a successful
show examples
 purchase.
For instance
, in my
neighbourhood
Add a comma
neighbourhood,
show examples
 there are so many advertisements about
fastfood
Correct your spelling
fast food
, but
people
 tend to
simple
Change the word
simply
show examples
 ignore
these kind
Change the determiner
this kind
these kinds
show examples
 of
announcement
Fix the agreement mistake
announcements
show examples
 and eat
healthy
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healthily
show examples
.
Secondly
,
in contrast
, some
adds
Change the verb form
add
show examples
 might be very
Correct your spelling
useful
usefull
Correct your spelling
useful
 to aware
people
Change preposition
of
show examples
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 good services and products. There are plenty of firms and manufacturers that actually
has
Correct subject-verb agreement
have
show examples
 very handy items and
servises
Correct your spelling
services
 for
people
 , but they
are
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
simply cannot announce
about
Change preposition
apply
show examples
it on their own.
Such
Change preposition
In such
show examples
 a
situations
Correct the article-noun agreement
situation
show examples
 commercial advertisement can be very
helpfull
Correct your spelling
helpful
 as they know how to enhance
sells
Verb problem
sales of
show examples
 these things.
For example
, recently I
brought
Correct your spelling
bought
show examples
laptop
Add an article
a laptop
show examples
 from
internet
Add an article
an internet
show examples
 shop, because of one of the
adds
Correct your spelling
ads
show examples
. In my local shops the laptop which I
wont
Verb problem
wanted
show examples
 to buy was twice as
more price
Correct word choice
expensive
show examples
than
Change preposition
as
show examples
 in the
add
Correct your spelling
ad
show examples
, thanks to the advertisement I was able to save some money.
To conclude
, despite
fact
Add an article
the fact
show examples
 that
adds
Correct your spelling
ads
show examples
 sometimes make
people
to
Change the verb form
apply
show examples
buy
unnessary
Correct your spelling
unnecessary
 things, they are
also
 can support individuals if they use
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
propely
Correct your spelling
properly
.
Submitted by Teo Halimov on

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Language Use
Try to diversify your sentence structure and vocabulary to avoid repetition and enhance clarity. Using a variety of complex sentences and higher-level vocabularies can make your argument more compelling.
Accuracy
Proofreading your essay for minor grammatical errors and typos can significantly improve its overall quality. Small mistakes can distract from the strength of your argument.
Structure
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea supported by specific examples or explanations. This strength in structure will make your argument more persuasive and easier to follow.
Thesis Statement
You have a clear thesis statement that sets the direction of your essay.
Structure
Your essay structure is logical, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
Examples
You provided relevant examples to support your points, which strengthens your argument.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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