IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people argue that all experimentation on animals is bad and should be outlawed. However, others believe that important scientific discoveries can be made from animal experiments. Can experimentation on animals be justified? Are there any alternatives?

As it is enunciated by a proportion, it is essential to make scientific discoveries by using fauna
while
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,
Change preposition
in others
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Change preposition
in others
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Fix the agreement mistake
other
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others
Correct quantifier usage
other
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contradictory
Add a missing verb
have contradictory
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Fix the agreement mistake
viewpoints
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viewpoint
Fix the agreement mistake
viewpoints
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, it is illegal and it has a plethora of drawbacks on
animals
Use synonyms
. Albeit there is a dichotomy of view on
this
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 concern ,these two apprehensions have various merits and demerits .In my view of point, some scientific investigations ought to be done by using fauna. I will provide interesting justifications and exemplify essential elements to justify my perspective.
To begin
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 with, there
undeniable
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are undeniable
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 facts that ,a person may assume doing experiments using
animals
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 is an apocalyptic demon . It has significant bad effects on wild
animals
Use synonyms
 who plays a pivotal role in biodiversity .
Moreover
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 ,
Animals
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 are in danger situation
due to
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 the fact that
,
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apply
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illegal companies do not obey the regulations and laws .
For instance
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 ,if we think about a fauna
that is
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 in its
last
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 generation
get
Verb problem
we can
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 experiment with what will happen if it dies.
on the other hand
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, doing scientific investigations by using
animals
Use synonyms
such
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 as dogs , mice and birds
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
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 placed a high premium on society in the contemporary era. It will help to discover a number of diseases and other elements in individuals .
For instance
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 ,a variety of inventions use
mouses
Replace the word
mice
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 to find medicines for cancer ,aids and dengue because if these experiments are on humans it will be dangerous to their lives
due to
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 the fact if ,chemicals go through the body they will lead to more and more allergies and deaths.
to sum up
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 ,in my perspective, even these experiments have negative effects on
animals
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 that will be more harmful to individuals .
Furthermore
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 ,the government and the ministry have the responsibility and duty to prevent illegal activities
from
Change preposition
by
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 making regulations , laws and rules .In fact,many pros outweigh the cons.

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Introduction and clarity
Engage more directly with the question by providing a clearer introduction that outlines your stance. Make sure your essay directly addresses the questions asked.
Paragraph structure
Work on structuring your paragraphs more effectively. Start each paragraph with a clear topic sentence, followed by explanations, examples, and a concluding sentence to tie it back to the overall essay argument.
Cohesion and Linking words
To improve cohesion, use a variety of linking words and phrases to show the relationships between your ideas. Be cautious not to overuse them in a way that might detract from the readability.
Addressing the full prompt
Try to provide a balanced viewpoint by discussing alternatives to animal testing in addition to its merits and drawbacks, as the question prompts.
Use of examples
Enhance your argument with more specific examples. While you provided general examples, adding more detailed and specific instances can make your argument stronger and more convincing.
Task engagement
You've taken a stance, as required by the prompt, which is good for engaging with the task.
Example usage
The use of examples, such as the reference to testing on mice for medical research, helps to support your main points.
Conclusion
Your conclusion sums up your viewpoint effectively, emphasizing the importance of regulation to mitigate the negative impacts on animals.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • scientific breakthroughs
  • ethical concerns
  • alternatives
  • animal testing
  • moral implications
  • ethical considerations
  • vivisection
  • research methods
  • ethical dilemmas
  • animal welfare
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