IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The workplace nowadays is trying to employ the equal number of females and males. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Companies often prefer to hire the same amount of
employees
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 from both sexes. I completely disagree with the statement, and I think that keeping an equal
number
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 of male & female
workers
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 impacts badly on the development of a
company
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. First of all, the Policy of identical quantity of genders puts a question mark on the selection system of a
company
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. To maintain the similar ratio of men and women it is often found that the qualification of a qualified candidate is overlooked.
This
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 results in hiring less suitable labour, which creates an adverse effect on the development of a
company
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.
Moreover
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, because of underqualified
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workers
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workers,
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 the
overall
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 environment of the office loses its colour and joy.
For example
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, selecting the wrong candidate makes discrimination between
employees
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, as both have differences in qualifications but receive the same Salary.
Secondly
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, sometimes extra
employees
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 are hired, to keep the similarity in the
number
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 of males and females.
This
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 is a direct loss for the
company
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. Even if the same work can be performed by a smaller
number
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 of
workers
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 to match the counterparts additional
employees
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 are recruited.
Furthermore
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,
some
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for some
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 jobs which
is
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are
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 only suitable for a particular gender, there inclusion of other genders does not make any positive result.
For instance
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, food delivery. Jobs are suitable only for males, but companies are hiring female candidates for food delivery which is slowing down the
overall
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 delivery process of food, because of
such
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 Jobs physical fitness plays a vital role.
To conclude
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, I strongly disagree with the tendency of
a
Correct article usage
the
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 same
number
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 of male and female
workers
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 in the office because it creates doubt over the recruitment process and extra cost for the
company
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task achievement
To enhance your score further, try adding more diverse and specific examples from various sectors to demonstrate your point across different contexts.
coherence and cohesion
Consider varying your sentence structures and using a wider range of linking words to improve flow and readability.
task achievement
You articulated a strong, clear position throughout the essay, which aligns well with the task response criteria.
coherence and cohesion
You successfully maintained a logical and easy-to-follow structure, enhancing the essay's coherence.
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