In many countries around the world, rural people are moving to cities, so the population in the countryside is decreasing. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

Nowadays, owing to the migration of people from rural areas to urban areas, the population of cities in the world is rising. I consider it a disadvantageous matter,
This
essay will demonstrate the negative aspects of
this
movement.
To begin
with, The diminishment of population in the countryside
,
Remove the comma
apply
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has a significant impact on the culture and agriculture of a
country
.
Due to
the fact that modernism has removed the culture from cities, cultural features are mostly maintained in rural parts.
In addition
, these sections are mostly the most significant centres for farming, so the decrease in households may affect badly on agriculture.
For example
, a section which contains the main production of pistachio in a
country
, when the next generation does not show any interest in these farms and leaves them behind it can cause important harm to the economy of the
country
. To continue with, The rise in the population of urban parts may lead to more traffic, which may result in pollution, and there may not be enough facilities for all citizens.
For instance
,in the capital of Iran, which is Tehran, people have immigrated there from all around the
country
,
this
city does not have the capacity for
this
majority of individuals, so the streets and public transportation are full of people, and
also
the infrastructure is not enough.
Additionally
,
this
town has become a pollutant area and it is rare to see a clear blue sky on most days. In conclusion, The immigration of individuals from the villages has caused many problems in both countryside and the cities,
such
as removing tradition and harming agriculture,
also
it impacts the environment by making the towns overcrowded and polluted.
Submitted by Farzaneh Ka on

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introduction
Though the structure of the essay is present, the introduction does not sufficiently paraphrase the prompt or clearly state your opinion. Ensure that the introduction sets a clear direction for the essay.
logical structure
Work on creating a more logical flow of ideas. Your essay would benefit from clearer topic sentences and better paragraphing. Each paragraph should center around a single main idea, and the progression from one to the next should feel seamless.
conclusion
The conclusion of the essay needs to be more pronounced, summarizing the main points succinctly and restating your opinion. Make sure the essay feels finished and the conclusion does not introduce new ideas.
complete response
To improve on task achievement, ensure that each paragraph contains a clear main idea that relates directly back to the question. It's also important for these ideas to be developed, by providing a more detailed explanation, rather than quickly moving on to another point.
clear comprehensive ideas
Clarify and develop your ideas further. Use more comprehensive language to convey your arguments, and ensure a high level of clarity throughout the essay. Avoid overly general statements; focus on specific, clear ideas that respond directly to the question.
relevant specific examples
To strengthen your response, incorporate more specific examples that underscore your arguments. These examples should be detailed, relevant to the point you are making, and add value to your essay.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • rural-to-urban migration
  • population shift
  • positive impact
  • negative impact
  • urbanization
  • job opportunities
  • access to education
  • access to healthcare
  • urban infrastructure
  • rural traditions
  • cultural heritage
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