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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The table shows data about underground railway systems in siz major cities with data opened, kilometres of route and passenger numbers per year in millions.

The table shows data about underground railway systems in siz major cities with data opened, kilometres of route and passenger numbers per year in millions.
The tables give information on underground railways of distinct cities around the world based on the year opened,
route
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distance
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 in kilometres
as well as
Linking Words
 the number of travellers annually.
Overall
Linking Words
, cities with older railways
such
Linking Words
 as London, Paris and Tokyo had a relatively higher number of passengers and the longest
route
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distance
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 as compared to the newer rail systems which had a significantly lower number of people traversing through their
short
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short-distance
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distance
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 railways. In terms of rail transport that opened in the 1980s and early 90s, London which was opened in 1863 has the longest
route
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 of 394 kilometres. Tokyo
on the other hand
Linking Words
, was reported to have attracted the most rail users at 1927
million
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 each year which is more than double that of London. Looking specifically at the newer rails, Kyoto has the shortest travelling
distance
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 of just 11km and
consequently
Linking Words
, minimal passengers, 50
million
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 persons annually.
Likewise
Linking Words
, Los Angeles, only exceeded Kyoto by 5
million
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 travellers to attain a total of 50
million
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 yearly
although
Linking Words
 it more than doubles Kyoto in terms of its
route
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 totalling 28km.

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Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words route, distance, million with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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