IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In some countries university students live at home with their family while they study, whereas in other countries students attend university in another city. Do you think the benefits of living away from home during university outweigh the disadvantages?

#countries #university #students #home #study #city
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In some
countries
Add a comma
countries,
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students
Use synonyms
 who attend university live with their family and go
university
Change preposition
to university
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whereas
Linking Words
 there are some other
students
Use synonyms
 who move to another city alone to participate
at
Change preposition
in
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 university classes and study.
Consequently
Linking Words
, there will be many advantages and disadvantages
living
Change preposition
to living
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 far away from home. In
this
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essay
Add a comma
essay,
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 I will discuss both positive and negative points of
this
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 progress. The biggest advantage living far from family will bring is becoming independent.
Students
Use synonyms
 will learn to live their life without laying on anyone like
:
Remove the comma
apply
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 making their own food, buying their own stuff and having a
part time
Add a hyphen
part-time
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 job
beside
Change preposition
besides
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 studying.
Furthermore
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, face difficulties
such
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 as sickness and being lonely bravely. Another merit of
this
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 activity is
students
Use synonyms
 can communicate, socialize more in
community
Correct article usage
the community
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 and learn how to read
people
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people's
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mind
Correct subject-verb agreement
minds
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easier
Rephrase
more easily
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 because they have seen many different
type
Change to a plural noun
types
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 of people and experienced their behaviors.
In contrast
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, there are
also
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 many downfalls too. The most significant disadvantage concerns
Use synonyms
students
Change noun form
students'
student's
show examples
 health.
For instance
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, studies
has
Change the verb form
have
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 shown some
students
Use synonyms
 have
face
Wrong verb form
faced
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into
Change preposition
apply
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depression or drugs or being bullied. In conclusion, as can be seen from the aspects made in
this
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 essay, there are both advantages and disadvantages
Change preposition
to
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for
Change preposition
to
show examples
 living
Correct your spelling
far away
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faraway
Correct your spelling
far away
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 from home. Whilst, if the
students
Use synonyms
 manage their life well they can have a great grow in their life.
Overall
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, I feel that the positive points would outweigh the negative aspects.
Submitted by TUTOO on

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General
Begin your essay with a clearer introduction of the topic and your stance to immediately engage the reader.
Task Achievement
Use examples and personal experiences to strengthen your arguments, offering more depth in supporting your opinions.
Conclusion
Consider expanding on your conclusion by summarizing your main points more explicitly, reinforcing your argument and providing a stronger closure.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on using a wider variety of sentence structures and transitions to improve the flow and readability of your essay.
Content
You discuss both sides of the argument, showing a balanced view.
Task Achievement
Your essay topic is well understood, with clear presentation of your personal view.
Coherence & Cohesion
Good use of paragraphing to separate different ideas, aiding the structural flow of your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • independence
  • self-reliance
  • finance management
  • exposure
  • broaden horizons
  • open-minded
  • adaptability
  • conducive environment
  • isolation
  • homesickness
  • financial burden
  • household duties
  • academic responsibilities
  • personal growth
What to do next:
Look at other essays: