In some countries university students live at home with their family while they study, whereas in other countries students attend university in another city. Do you think the benefits of living away from home during university outweigh the disadvantages?
In some
countries
Add a comma
countries,
students
who attend university live with their family and go university
Change preposition
to university
whereas
there are some other students
who move to another city alone to participate at
university classes and study. Change preposition
in
Consequently
, there will be many advantages and disadvantages living
far away from home. In Change preposition
to living
this
essay
I will discuss both positive and negative points of Add a comma
essay,
this
progress.
The biggest advantage living far from family will bring is becoming independent. Students
will learn to live their life without laying on anyone like:
making their own food, buying their own stuff and having a Remove the comma
apply
part time
job Add a hyphen
part-time
beside
studying. Change preposition
besides
Furthermore
, face difficulties such
as sickness and being lonely bravely.
Another merit of this
activity is students
can communicate, socialize more in community
and learn how to read Correct article usage
the community
people
Change noun form
people's
mind
Correct subject-verb agreement
minds
easier
because they have seen many different Rephrase
more easily
type
of people and experienced their behaviors.
Change to a plural noun
types
In contrast
, there are also
many downfalls too. The most significant disadvantage concerns students
health. Change noun form
students'
student's
For instance
, studies has
shown some Change the verb form
have
students
have face
Wrong verb form
faced
into
depression or drugs or being bullied.
In conclusion, as can be seen from the aspects made in Change preposition
apply
this
essay, there are both advantages and disadvantages Change preposition
to
for
living Change preposition
to
Correct your spelling
far away
faraway
from home. Whilst, if the Correct your spelling
far away
students
manage their life well they can have a great grow in their life. Overall
, I feel that the positive points would outweigh the negative aspects.Submitted by TUTOO on
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General
Begin your essay with a clearer introduction of the topic and your stance to immediately engage the reader.
Task Achievement
Use examples and personal experiences to strengthen your arguments, offering more depth in supporting your opinions.
Conclusion
Consider expanding on your conclusion by summarizing your main points more explicitly, reinforcing your argument and providing a stronger closure.
Coherence and Cohesion
Work on using a wider variety of sentence structures and transitions to improve the flow and readability of your essay.
Content
You discuss both sides of the argument, showing a balanced view.
Task Achievement
Your essay topic is well understood, with clear presentation of your personal view.
Coherence & Cohesion
Good use of paragraphing to separate different ideas, aiding the structural flow of your essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.