Modern lifestyles are completely different from the way people lived in the past. Some people think the changes have been very positive, while others believe they have been negative Discuss both these points of view and give your opinion
In recent decades, the way
people
live their lives has been characterized by advancements in technology
and changes in social life. Some individuals believe the changes impacted positive results, while
others think reversely. This
essay will discuss both sides and argue in favour of the latter because the modern lifestyle
drives to
a sedentary Change preposition
apply
lifestyle
, leading to several health problems.
To begin
with, the quickly growing of digital technology
drives people
to engage with others easily since communication become easier and faster than ever before. To illustrate, relying on smartphones allow
users to make an overseas communication in a matter of seconds, which was a difficult thing several years before. It could happen because of the advent of communication Correct subject-verb agreement
allows
technology
such
as social media and chat applications. Additionally
, it is also
expected that in the future the way people
communicate with each other will be supported by the more sophisticated media.
However
, the more advanced the technology
the fewer people
would be conducting physical activities, leading to a sedentary lifestyle
and many health problems. For instance
, based on recent research conducted in Indonesia, it is evident that 80% of young people
tend to fulfil their daily basis instantly such
as ordering food and shopping from the
online applications. Correct article usage
apply
Furthermore
, they have a lack of awareness of consuming healthy food and engaging in regular exercise, which can cause to
Change preposition
apply
lifestyle
diseases that can lower their quality of life.
In conclusion, while
modern lifestyles have some positive impact, it also
causes some downsides in terms of health problems. From my way of thinking, it is highly recommended that individuals use the advancement of technology
wisely and consider having a healthy lifestyle
such
as exercising regularly and consuming nutritious food.Submitted by ru.kabiru.biru on
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Grammar & Style
Be mindful of small errors in grammar and word choice that may impact the clarity of your arguments. For example, consider revising phrases like 'the quickly growing of digital technology drives' to 'the rapid growth of digital technology allows' for greater clarity.
Development and Support
Enhance the effectiveness of your argument by expanding on examples with more detail and context. This will make your argument more persuasive and comprehensive.
Sentence Structure
Work on varying your sentence structures to add complexity and interest to your writing, ensuring a more engaging and sophisticated essay.
Task Response
Your essay effectively addresses both views of the topic, providing a balanced discussion before stating your own opinion. This demonstrates a good understanding of the task requirements.
Coherence & Cohesion
You have structured your essay logically, with clear introductions and conclusions, making your arguments easy to follow. This enhances the coherence and cohesion of your response.
Example Use
Using relevant examples, such as the impact of technology on communication and lifestyle, strengthens your arguments and demonstrates your ability to use specific information to support your points.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:
...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?