IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

In some countries, a few people earn extremely high salaries. While some people think that this is good for a country, others believe that salaries should be controlled by the government to limit the amount people can earn. Discuss both views and give your own opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience

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No one can deny that earning a decent salary is one of the most important motives to work efficiently. Some
people
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 believe that intelligent and highly talented individuals must earn high salaries,
while
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 I think the government should limit the money earned by these so that we all become equal in money and lifestyle.
Firstly
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, some argue that certain
people
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 have to earn high salaries,
this
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 is because they are extremely unique, genius and they are not incomparable to the normal
workers
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.
For instance
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, CEOs of huge companies like Microsoft and Google usually earn more than a million dollars per year, the argument goes, that
this
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 is
due to
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 the huge stress they are encountering .
In addition
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, if they are not earning that amount of money, they will eventually quit as there will be no motivation to work in a very stressful with a normal salary.
On the other hand
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, I strongly believe that the government must limit the earnings of those
,
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apply
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 so that the majority of
people
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 can earn a decent salary. To illustrate, a survey conducted 3 years ago stated that 75% of the
people
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 in the same country as those high-earners can not afford to pay their rent
due to
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 their extremely low salaries, despite working 12 hours per day.
Lastly
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, if the government does not limit the wages of those, most of the blue-collar
workers
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 will decide to immigrate from the country. And
this
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 will result in huge trouble either there will be no essential
workers
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 or there will be lots of robberies will tend to happen. In conclusion, despite the fact that the CEOs of huge should earn
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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decent earnings, I have no doubt that their income should be limited so that our real workforce from doctors, constructors and all the other
workers
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 could earn a taste of joy.

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task achievement
Expand on the arguments against high salaries a bit more. While the point about workers emigrating is relevant, consider adding other reasons why salary caps might be beneficial, such as reducing income inequality or providing better public services.
coherence cohesion
Ensure logical structure by ensuring that each paragraph flows well into the next. Transitions between paragraphs can be slightly improved to increase cohesion.
task achievement
Although relevant specific examples are given, expanding them with more details can create a deeper understanding and enrich your argument.
general
The essay has a clear and concise introduction and conclusion, making it easy to follow.
task achievement
Relevant examples such as CEOs' salaries and survey results on low-income workers greatly enhance the argument and make it more compelling.
coherence cohesion
The structure of the essay is logical and easy to follow, with clear points introduced in each paragraph.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • reward hard work
  • innovation
  • ambitious career paths
  • advancements
  • technology and medicine
  • contribute significantly
  • public services
  • infrastructure development
  • stimulates
  • real estate to luxury goods
  • excessive earnings
  • social inequality
  • wealth gap
  • social unrest
  • society's harmony
  • equitable distribution of wealth
  • poverty rates
  • quality of life
  • salary caps
  • discourage talent
  • brain drain
  • hinder
  • growth and innovation
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