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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The chart below gives information on the percrntage of british people giving money to charity by age range for the years 1990 and 2010

The chart below gives information on the percrntage of british people giving money to charity by age range for the years 1990 and 2010
#information #percrntage #british #people #money #charity #age #range #years
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The
given
Verb problem
apply
show examples
bar graph provides details on the percentage of British
people
Use synonyms
 giving
money
Use synonyms
 to
charity
Use synonyms
 in two different year
Overall
Linking Words
it is clear that
Linking Words
 more British
people
Use synonyms
 gave
money
Use synonyms
 to
charity
Use synonyms
 in 1990 compared to 2010.
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
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people
Use synonyms
 giving
money
Use synonyms
 to
charity
Use synonyms
 aged 36to 65 for both years and
people
Use synonyms
 aged from 18 to 25 were the least to give
money
Use synonyms
 In 1990 British
people
Use synonyms
 between the
age
Use synonyms
 of 36-50
given
Wrong verb form
gave
show examples
 to
charity
Use synonyms
 and
this
Linking Words
 was the highest.
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 approximately 17%
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the 18-25
age
Use synonyms
 group was the lowest giving
money
Use synonyms
 to
charity
Use synonyms
 from the 26-35
age
Use synonyms
 group experienced a decrease in 2010 from approximately 31%to
around
Change preposition
to
show examples
 24%.and 51-65
age
Use synonyms
 group increased significantly from 35 to nearly 40 which
was
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
the highest percentage for 2010.and
also
Linking Words
 65 percentage is increased gradually from approximately 32% to 35%.
on the other hand
Linking Words
 it was still a little higher compared to 1990
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "however".
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Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words people, money, charity, age with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "compared" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 4 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 3 times.
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