IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

some people think they have right to use as much freshwater as they want. Other believe governments should tightly control the use of freshwater as it is limited resource. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

#people #right #governments #control #resource
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Water
Use synonyms
 is a main object which is used in different types of nutrition plans. In recent days, we can observe that there are many
companies
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 using
water
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 as their business. They provide the
water
Use synonyms
 in bottled packaging in the name of purified
water
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.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, It is
also
Linking Words
 a common practice of the
companies
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 to collect
water
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 from different sources, put it into bottles and
introduced
Wrong verb form
introduce
show examples
 it as a product for the
use
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 of the public. In
this
Linking Words
 regard, a large number of
people
Use synonyms
 thought that
this
Linking Words
 was the right way to
use
Use synonyms
water
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according to
Linking Words
 their needs. Because
water
Use synonyms
 is not a product but a blessing from God. So they could
use
Use synonyms
 fresh
water
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 as they want.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, Some emphasise that
due to
Linking Words
 the limited resources of
water
Use synonyms
people
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 should be very careful
while
Linking Words
 using it.
Moreover
Linking Words
, recent research
also
Linking Words
point
Change the verb form
points
show examples
 out that
due to
Linking Words
 climate change and
increase
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
global warming,
water
Use synonyms
 resources are rapidly decreasing. So
people
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 feel that there should be rules and regulations in
this
Linking Words
 regard and
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
 should regularise
such
Linking Words
companies
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 under the law. It is
also
Linking Words
 the responsibility of the government to take proper action against the
companies
Use synonyms
 who
use
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 more
water
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 as per their requirements. I conclude my essay with the statement that a public awareness campaign about saving
water
Use synonyms
 should be organised by the authorities on television and social media so that
people
Use synonyms
 can be educated about the importance and preservation of
such
Linking Words
 a pure blessing in God.
Submitted by computersinn2007 on

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structure
To enhance your essay, try to develop a more structured approach. Organize your ideas into clear paragraphs, each with a specific focus. Your introduction could more clearly outline the views you're going to discuss, and your conclusion should more directly state your own opinion on the issue.
language use
Include a wider range of linking words and phrases to improve the flow of your essay. This will help in clearly indicating the transitions between your ideas and arguments, making the text more cohesive.
content
To achieve a higher score in task achievement, ensure that each view discussed is explored with balanced detail and supported with examples or evidence. Your personal opinion should be clearly presented and elaborated upon, showing how it has been informed by the discussion.
topic understanding
Your essay demonstrates a clear understanding of the topic and presents a relevant discussion on the use of freshwater.
critical thinking
The conclusion effectively introduces a proposed solution, indicating your ability to think critically about the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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