IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic. In some cultures, children are told they can achieve anything if they work hard. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message?

#minutes #topic #cultures #children #work #message
Aspiring for success is something that probably all humans have an interest in, successively there are many popular techniques that parents educate their children on how to be successful, a very common one is telling them that they can achieve anything if they work hard enough. Today we are going to contrast what are the advantages and disadvantages of saying so.
Initially
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Initially,
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 we should start on why it is possible to say that saying so could be an advantage.
Due to
 true success stories, many could argue that it is important to be truly confident about what you are doing and be really tenacious about it to find success,
consequently
, you
wont
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won't
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 give up the first time you fail, so by believing that you can “achieve anything if you work hard” you can always turn your head into thinking that there is still a chance of you succeeding.
Furthermore
, being positive about your future will help you grow up happier with
Correct article usage
the hopes
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Correct article usage
the hopes
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Fix the agreement mistake
hope
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hopes
Fix the agreement mistake
hope
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 that there is a chance to do whatever you want.
On the other
hand
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hand,
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 there are
the
Correct article usage
apply
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disadvantages.
As a consequence
 of many people feeling disappointed by something because they had high hopes, many would argue that living life with low hopes would make you “be more, with less” and believing that you can achieve anything provokes the absolute opposite of that by making you feel comfortable on any life decision you make.
In
addition
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addition,
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 believing that everything is possible will make you
be
Unnecessary verb
apply
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blinded from
failure
,
whereas
failure
 is always a possibility it is wrongful not to take into consideration
failure
, people could agree that not taking
failure
 into consideration is a true recipe for nonsuccess. Conclusively, like most cases in the world,
this
 educational dilemma could be seen
on
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in
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 both senses. It is fair to live life as if you will always succeed, even though there is always a chance of failing.
Submitted by patriciareyesfiguero on

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task achievement
Ensure to provide more specific examples to strengthen your arguments. Real-life stories or statistics can greatly support your viewpoints.
coherence cohesion
Try to vary your sentence structures and use a range of vocabulary to make your essay more engaging and demonstrate your language skills more broadly.
positive
Your essay effectively addresses the task with an introduction, body paragraphs detailing advantages and disadvantages, and a conclusion. Maintaining this structure enhances the coherence of your response.
task response
The essay effectively addresses the task by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of the given statement.
coherence cohesion
Your conclusion succinctly encapsulates the main points, making your stance clear.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
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