IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Governments should spend more money on railways rather than roads. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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Railway plays an essential role in transporting by less money. Nowadays, the debate has been ongoing for years between individuals about whether governments should spend money on
railways
Use synonyms
 rather than
roads
Use synonyms
. I strongly believe that expanding the train system should be prioritized
due to
Linking Words
 its efficiency and sustainability. On the
one
Use synonyms
 hand, the train has a lot of benefits to encourage it.
One
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 of the biggest advantages, it can save money on transport and travel. The rail's tax is much cheaper than the bus and taxi or any other transportation, and it is convenient for transporting goods and luggage.
For instance
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, I went to the capital city of Mongolia Ulaanbaatar by bus. It cost about $17, and it seemed really expensive to me.
However
Linking Words
, the train tackled
this
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 problem in
one
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 way, which was the inexpensive levy of rail.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, building
railways
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 a lot like
roads
Use synonyms
,
Linking Words
this
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
leads to the biggest issues,
such
Linking Words
 as financial issues and economic fall. Building
railways
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 need more cash than
roads
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.
In addition
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, the road is
also
Linking Words
 convenient to build anywhere, when the government has to construct it there.
For instance
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, in my country, there is only
one
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 railway that connects China and Russia. Without many
railways
Use synonyms
, there is not any issue that I observed for me. In conclusion, governments should prioritize investing in
railways
Use synonyms
 over
roads
Use synonyms
 as it benefits the environment,
the
Correct word choice
and the
show examples
 economy.
However
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
 does not mean that
roads
Use synonyms
 should be neglected entirely as they are necessary for transportation as well.

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Task Achievement
Ensure a balanced viewpoint when comparing, especially if you argue strongly for one side. While supporting the railway, also consider acknowledging roads' role more comprehensively.
Coherence & Cohesion
To improve coherence, transitions between paragraphs can be smoother. Linking words can be more varied to enhance the flow of your arguments.
Task Achievement
Expand on examples and evidence to support your claims. Specific examples, statistics, or studies can add to your argument's credibility.
Task Achievement
You've clearly stated your position in the introduction, which is excellent for task response.
Coherence & Cohesion
The structure of the essay, with distinct paragraphs for each main idea, aids in its overall coherence.
Task Achievement
The use of a personal example is a good strategy to make your argument relatable and concrete.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • Carbon emissions
  • Mass transportation
  • Traffic congestion
  • Economic growth
  • Regional development
  • Initial investment
  • Feasibility
  • Flexibility
  • Rural areas
  • Integration
  • Sustainable
  • Efficiency
  • Infrastructure
  • Commuters
  • Public expenditure
  • Autonomous vehicles
  • Long-term investment
  • Accessibility
  • Connectivity
  • Modal shift
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