IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The graph below shows the percentage of urban/suburban and rural households in a European country that had Internet access between 1999 and 2004.

The graph below shows the percentage of urban/suburban and rural households in a European country that had Internet access between 1999 and 2004.
#percentage #households #european #country #internet #access
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The given graph provides us with
a
Correct article usage
apply
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data about the European
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
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 which had
an
Remove the article
apply
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access to the
internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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 including
its
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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urban or suburban and rural
households
 throughout five years in
percentages
.
Overall
, the
percentages
 of urban and suburban residents are much higher
in contrast
 with rural areas, and the numbers only rose through
years
Correct article usage
the years
show examples
 in urban and rural
households
 respectively. Turning to the data in more detail it can be seen that the percentage of rural
households
 that had access to the internet in 1999 is close to zero.
However
, it’s interesting to note that in urban and suburban areas the number
were
Change the verb form
was
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 approximately fifteen
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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 in the same period. Moving on to the year 2000, the
percentages
 in urban regions and
households
 seemed to be multiplied by two,
while
 in rural regions
percentages
 were still below ten.
Thereafter
 in urban/suburban
households
Add a comma
households,
show examples
 the number
equaled
Change the spelling
equalled
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 forty
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
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 which was thirty
percents
Fix the agreement mistake
percent
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 higher than in rural
households
. So
percentages
 increased for relatively same numbers until the end of the given chart.
To conclude
 in 2004 year the number of
households
 having access
in
Change preposition
to
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 rural
households
 surpassed thirty
percents
Fix the agreement mistake
percent
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while
 the column of urban/ suburban residents surpassed fifty
percents
Fix the agreement mistake
percent
show examples
.
Submitted by madinabonu.bm on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Contractions: Don't use contractions.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words households, percentages with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "give" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "data" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentages" was used 6 times.
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