IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Today, the high sales of popular consumer good reflect the power of advertising and not the real need of the society in which they are sold. To what extend do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Some people consider
that
Correct determiner usage
the
show examples
 popularity of consumer goods numerously sold with the assistance of
advertisement
Fix the agreement mistake
advertisements
show examples
do
Correct word choice
and do
show examples
 not think about why society really
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
need
Correct pronoun usage
need it
show examples
. I completely agree with the statement and will support it with specific examples and reasons.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, merchandise well-sold because of great advertisements might not be as good as they were described. Let's take Remax as an example, there are many kinds of official and unofficial advertisements about how reliable
this
Linking Words
 product is. Particularly, the Remax headphones function was mostly advertised as
its
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
waterproof,
however
Linking Words
, after many complaints about its ability to waterproof does not concur with the description in the
advertise
Replace the word
advertisement
show examples
. In
this
Linking Words
 case, a lot of
consumers
Use synonyms
 have absolutely been induced by attractive posters and
Fix the agreement mistake
posts
show examples
post
Fix the agreement mistake
posts
show examples
 on social media, which means
consumers
Use synonyms
 hardly could get
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good
products
Correct the article-noun agreement
product
show examples
 that
satisfies
Change the verb form
satisfy
show examples
 their demands even though
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 might
cost
Use synonyms
 a lot.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
ecstasy
Add an article
the ecstasy
show examples
 of advertisements may increase the
cost
Use synonyms
 of
consumers
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
, those companies that increase the funds for publicizing will
also
Linking Words
 increase the
cost
Use synonyms
 of advertised products as well, which will lead
consumers
Use synonyms
 to get them
with
Change preposition
at
show examples
 a high
cost
Use synonyms
 without considering other affordable and similar goods. As
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 result, they will spend their money pointlessly on
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 but different costed products. In conclusion,
while
Linking Words
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
merchandise
that is
Linking Words
 well-advertised could attract more crowds, they might not concur with what buyers really need because of surplus description and pointless high
cost
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Introduction
To strengthen your argument, ensure your introduction clearly outlines the points you will discuss. This will help readers understand your stance from the beginning.
Argument Depth
Provide a balanced view by exploring the other side of the argument even if you disagree. It shows depth of analysis.
Conclusion
To improve task response, try to directly address the question in your conclusion, summarizing your stance and the reasons behind it clearly.
Coherence
For better coherence, consider adding more transition phrases between paragraphs to guide the reader through your argument smoothly.
Examples
You provided specific examples to support your points, which strengthens your argument.
Logical Structure
Your paragraph structure is logical, helping in maintaining the flow of ideas.
Introduction & Conclusion
Introduction and conclusion are present and provide a clear framework for your discussion.

Word Count

IELTS says that you should write a minimum of 250 words in writing task 2. If you go under word count you will lose marks in task response.

A very long essay will not give you a higher band score.

Aim for between 260 to 290 words in writing task 2. This will ensure a concise essay and will be realistic in terms of time management. You have only 40 minutes to write the essay and you need around 10 minutes of planning time, so you will not be able to write a long essay in 30 minutes.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: