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Band 6

The map below is of the town og Garlsdon. A new supermarket is planned for the town. The map shows two possible sites for the supermarket.

The map below is of the town og Garlsdon. A new supermarket is planned for the town. The map shows two possible sites for the supermarket.
#town #og #garlsdon #supermarket #two #sites
The
map
 delineates the rough sketch of Garlsdon
town
. The
map
 has been divided into two parts s1 and s2, in which either
one
 of the
area
Change to a plural noun
areas
show examples
 is planned to build a new supermarket. Both s1 and s2 include Housing, Industry and
Town
 centre. S1 has
one
 main road which extends to the
north west
Correct your spelling
northwest
show examples
 side and is 12 km away from Hindon
whereas
 s2 has two main roads.
One
 in the
south west
Correct your spelling
southwest
show examples
 region which has
population
Add an article
a population
show examples
around
Change preposition
of around
show examples
 15000.
On the other hand
,
second
Correct article usage
the second
show examples
one
in
Add a missing verb
is in
show examples
 the
south east
Correct your spelling
southeast
show examples
 which has a population of 29000. In the middle of the
map
Add a comma
map,
show examples
one
 can see a
town
 centre and a railway road crossing.
Overall
, Garlsdon has a population
around
Change preposition
of around
show examples
 65000.
Majority
Correct article usage
The majority
show examples
 of people live in
Add an article
the south
show examples
south east
Correct your spelling
southeast
show examples
 and
south west
Correct your spelling
southwest
show examples
 side of Garlsdon
town
. Since there are
alot
Correct your spelling
a lot
 of people living in
this
 region,
this
 place looks ideal for
supermarket
Fix the agreement mistake
supermarkets
show examples
.
However
, if you closely observe,
one
 can see that it is far away for
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people to access.
In addition
 to
that
Add a comma
that,
show examples
 there are
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
show examples
 residents in
this
 region
comparing
Wrong verb form
compared
show examples
 to
north
Add an article
the north
show examples
 side of the
map
.
To conclude
, in my
opinion
Add a comma
opinion,
show examples
 s1 seems more appropriate to start a supermarket.
Submitted by praneeth2094 on

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Basic structure: Change the fourth paragraph.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 67%.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words map, town, one with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "undefined" in your introduction.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "map" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
▼

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Infrastructure
  • Accessibility
  • Residential area
  • Commercial development
  • Traffic flow
  • Local employment
  • Economic impact
  • Ecological footprint
  • Congestion
  • Town expansion
  • Urban planning
  • Outskirts
  • Feasibility
  • Sustainability
  • Demographics
  • Necessities
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