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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

In some cultures, children are often told that they can achieve anything if they try hard enough. What are the advantages and disadvantages of giving children this message

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It
 is certainly true that
children
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 are always informed in some cultures that they can get anything if they work hard . There are merits and demerits to providing the message to them. I have given details below.
Firstly
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, by giving
such
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 messages to
children
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, they get motivation and inspiration.
In other words
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, they believe in themselves and
such
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 confidence may support them to do anything in their lives.
This
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 is because of mental support and cooperation by the
parents
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 to relax them with healthy surroundings.
Secondly
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,
children
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 get positivity in order to overcome any stress. Since the competition in different stages of life is increasing day by day, some people always emphasize their sons or daughters become tough and win any situation.
Therefore
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, these
parents
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 always keep pushing a
child
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 to do great things.
For example
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, many
parents
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 in India have goals to see their
child
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 study at the best national institute which is extremely competitive and become successful in future,
thus
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, from childhood, they try hard to keep saying them in order to achieve
this
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 goal.
On the other hand
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, there are
also
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 some negative impacts if
children
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 are pushing too much by telling them repeatedly the same message.
Children
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 sometimes come under pressure which creates tremendous health problems.
As a result
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,
this
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 situation leads them to adopt some bad habits which may significantly destroy their entire life.
For instance
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, as per research conducted by the University of Gujarat in the year 2023, some students started taking drugs at the age of 11 years
due to
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 too much expectation from their
parents
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 to meet their future goals. In conclusion, it is obvious that a
child
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 may build confidence and positivity if we often tell them to work hard which will bring success but it may harm to
child
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's health and create negative results

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task achievement
Expand on certain points for clarity and add more nuanced arguments. For instance, while you've provided a solid example about Indian parents, offering a broader perspective or more examples from different cultures can enhance your argument.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea and flows logically. Although the essay is generally well-structured, some transitions between sentences and paragraphs could be smoother to enhance readability.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion effectively frame the discussion, setting a clear context at the beginning and summarizing effectively at the end.
task achievement
You've effectively presented both advantages and disadvantages, providing a balanced view. This is a strong approach to addressing the essay's task.
task achievement
The use of specific examples, such as the study conducted by the University of Gujarat, strengthens your arguments and makes them more compelling.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • achieve
  • try hard
  • positive mindset
  • self-belief
  • motivates
  • ambitious goals
  • resilience
  • determination
  • confidence
  • self-esteem
  • growth mindset
  • unrealistic expectations
  • disappointment
  • failure
  • effort
  • hard work
  • seek support
  • individual differences
  • abilities
  • capabilities
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