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Band 6.5

Big salary is much more important than job satisfaction. Do you agree or disagree?

#salary #job #satisfaction
A good
job
 is divided into two parts:
salary
 and
job
 satisfaction, and the importance given to these two parts by
people
 is different. Some
people
 believe that
salary
 plays a more important role.
I’m completely disagree
Change the verb form
I completely disagree
show examples
. I think that in the long term, working in a
job
that is
 enjoyable for a person is more important than the
salary
 and benefits. A good
salary
 with good remuneration will motivate you. Most of the time, our success is measured by our material possessions. A good income can pave the way to achieving our desires and create a sense of satisfaction and
fulfillment
Change the spelling
fulfilment
show examples
 in us.
People
 need financial security for their future, and a high
salary
 provides
this
 security. The importance of mental health and
low stress
Add a hyphen
low-stress
show examples
 levels in the workplace cannot be denied.
According to
 your
job
, you spend approximately 50
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of your life at work, so your comfort and peace of mind are very important. If you love your
job
, you can make progress in the long term and gain more money. If we look at
this
 more logically, our health is the most valuable thing we have, and working in a position that does not endanger it is considered the highest reward.
To sum up
, there are many different things that you should take into account when choosing your
job
. A good income provides for many needs, but it is not enough. There are many
people
 who live in the affluent class, but they long for stress-free and comfortable sleep.
Submitted by rahaaa1325 on

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task achievement
Consider expanding your supporting examples to further strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
Try to vary your sentence structures to enhance readability.
coherence cohesion
You've done a great job presenting a clear introduction and conclusion that encapsulate your viewpoint effectively.
task achievement
Your essay provides a well-rounded discussion on the topic, considering both the importance of salary and job satisfaction.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • remuneration
  • financial security
  • motivation
  • luxuries
  • material possessions
  • fulfillment
  • work-life balance
  • stress levels
  • mental well-being
  • job security
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