IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that space exploration is a waste of resources,while others think it is essential for mankind to continue to explore the universe in which we live. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion

#people #space #exploration #waste #resources #mankind #universe
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There is an ongoing debate among
people
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 who think that studying
space
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 is a waste of value,whilst some
people
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 think it is crucial for our world to continue to explore the other world beyond our
planet
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. In my opinion,
this
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 question is one of the most significant and valuable for mankind and we should explore
space
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.
On the other hand
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, the vast majority of
people
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 have opposite views on that question. Many of them think that the breakthroughs in astrology and
scientists
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' investigations are a waste of value and will not bring any benefits to our society and
planet
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.
For example
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,throughout history, the development of
space
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 has been unpredictable and many rockets and spaceships could not work or had some shortcomings.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,humans could see that and undoubtedly would not support that idea with exploration,because it is expensive and in many cases unpredictable.
Hence
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, the stereotype of mistakes and failures has settled in
people
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’s minds and they do not want to see that another time.
On the other hand
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, our
space
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 is one of the unexplored areas,which hides many facts and information.
Furthermore
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,
this
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 area contains facts and information,which can assist
scientists
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 in making new discoveries and developing these ideas for us.
For example
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, NASA has developed their ideas for humans,which certainly helped to understand what
space
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 is and who is living there.
Furthermore
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,recently many
scientists
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 have started thinking about other planets and compare with our
planet
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 in characteristics
such
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 as air,pressure,and temperature of that
planet
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. Apart from studying
space
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,many movies have shown the process and attempt to understand the
space
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 environment and travel.
Overall
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, the exploration of
space
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 has many views. Some
people
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 think it is a waste of budget and value,because of previous mistakes,
however
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,some
people
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 think it is an opportunity to discover a world beyond our
planet
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. In my opinion,the chance to learn about
space
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 is brilliant.
Scientists
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 have studied that and continue to do that and the vast majority of
people
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 see that
space
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 is our future and we can not reject that.
Submitted by batirka06 on

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task achievement
To improve your score, it would be beneficial to provide more specific examples to support your arguments. This will make your essay more convincing and give your points more weight.
coherence cohesion
Focus on organizing your ideas more clearly. A more defined paragraph structure, with distinct introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion, would enhance the coherence of your essay.
coherence cohesion
Consider a more varied sentence structure and vocabulary to increase the sophistication of your writing. This will also make your essay more engaging to the reader.
task achievement
You've shown a good ability to discuss both sides of the argument, providing a balanced view before stating your own opinion.
coherence cohesion
The presence of an introduction and a conclusion that clearly presents your viewpoint is a strong aspect of your essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • astronomical costs
  • earthbound issues
  • tangible benefits
  • technological spin-offs
  • innovation
  • long-term investment
  • habitability
  • interplanetary travel
  • sustainable exploration
  • spacefaring nations
  • international collaboration
  • deep space
  • the final frontier
  • cosmic perspective
  • frontiers of science
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