The table below gives information about the average annual spending of university students in three different countries.

The table below gives information about the average annual spending of university students in three different countries.
The table compares
average
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the average
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yearly
expense
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expenses
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of university students in three
diffrent
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different
countries. An inspection of the data in the table reveals that
country
A is the most expensive with
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a yealy
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yealy
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yearly
expense
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expenses
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of US $ 5,000 and
on the contrary
,
country
C
is very budget friendly with
Correct article usage
a minimun
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minimun
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minimum
yearly
expense
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expenses
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of US $ 1,500
while
country
B
falls in the middle range.
To begin
with
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with,
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Accommodation contributes
major
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a major
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portion of
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the expense
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expense
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expenses
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in all three countries A,
B
and
C
with respect to 45%, 35% and 30%.
Percentage
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The percentage
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spent on food varies as 36
percent
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per cent
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of
yealy
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yearly
income is spent to manage food in
country
C
which is really expensive and for A and
B
it is 22% and 28%.
On the other
hand
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hand,
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amount spent on books is
budjet
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budget
friendly in all countries contributing 3%, 9% and 21
percent
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per cent
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.
Amount
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The amount
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spent on leisure activities is almost
same
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the same
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for
country
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countries
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A and
B
while
it is 12
percent
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per cent
show examples
for
country
C
. Other activities
also
include some amount but
that is
manageable. To
conlude
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conclude
,
main
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the main
show examples
contributor in
term
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terms
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of money is accommodation and the
least
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last
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one is books and other activities.
Submitted by sananayyab91 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
Basic structure: Change the sixth paragraph.
Vocabulary: Replace the words expense, country, c, b with synonyms.
Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the sixth paragraph.
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