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Writing Samples
Band 5

The table below gives information about the average annual spending of university students in three different countries.

The table below gives information about the average annual spending of university students in three different countries.
The table compares
average
Add an article
the average
show examples
 yearly
Use synonyms
expense
Fix the agreement mistake
expenses
show examples
 of university students in three
diffrent
Correct your spelling
different
 countries. An inspection of the data in the table reveals that
country
Use synonyms
 A is the most expensive with
Correct article usage
a yealy
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yealy
Correct your spelling
yearly
Use synonyms
expense
Fix the agreement mistake
expenses
show examples
 of US $ 5,000 and
on the contrary
Linking Words
,
country
Use synonyms
C
Use synonyms
 is very budget friendly with
Correct article usage
a minimun
show examples
minimun
Correct your spelling
minimum
 yearly
Use synonyms
expense
Fix the agreement mistake
expenses
show examples
 of US $ 1,500
while
Linking Words
country
Use synonyms
B
Use synonyms
 falls in the middle range.
To begin
Linking Words
with
Add a comma
with,
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 Accommodation contributes
major
Add an article
a major
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 portion of
Use synonyms
Add an article
the expense
show examples
expense
Fix the agreement mistake
expenses
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 in all three countries A,
B
Use synonyms
 and
C
Use synonyms
 with respect to 45%, 35% and 30%.
Percentage
Correct article usage
The percentage
show examples
 spent on food varies as 36
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of
yealy
Correct your spelling
yearly
 income is spent to manage food in
country
Use synonyms
C
Use synonyms
 which is really expensive and for A and
B
Use synonyms
 it is 22% and 28%.
On the other
Linking Words
hand
Add a comma
hand,
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 amount spent on books is
budjet
Correct your spelling
budget
 friendly in all countries contributing 3%, 9% and 21
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
.
Amount
Correct article usage
The amount
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 spent on leisure activities is almost
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 for
Use synonyms
country
Fix the agreement mistake
countries
show examples
 A and
B
Use synonyms
while
Linking Words
 it is 12
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 for
country
Use synonyms
C
Use synonyms
. Other activities
also
Linking Words
 include some amount but
that is
Linking Words
 manageable. To
conlude
Correct your spelling
conclude
,
main
Change the article
the main
show examples
 contributor in
term
Fix the agreement mistake
terms
show examples
 of money is accommodation and the
least
Correct your spelling
last
show examples
 one is books and other activities.

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "while".
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Basic structure: Use less body paragraphs.
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Basic structure: Change the sixth paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words expense, country, c, b with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "table" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "amount" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the sixth paragraph.
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